Good morning people… Told you I’d be back today. I’ve got a lot on my mind…
Is it me or don’t you just hate it when people ask you “What do you want?”
Apart from “Who’s your daddy?” that has to be the question I hate being asked the most, even though I ask other people a lot.
Usually, if a friend talks to me about a problem, I’ll listen. I’ll listen to your problem, and then I’ll ask you a million questions. Talking to me is like going to see the doctor… an amebo doctor. The many questions are just so that I can fully understand the problem, including the problem’s history. I don’t want to be the one to advise you to poison your husband, only to find out later that he cheated on you after months and months of you starving him of sex.
After the many questions, I typically ask, “What do you want?” or “What would make you happy right now?”
I hear all sorts… it could be;
“I want to get back together with my ex” or
“I want to get a Masters Degree in Finance” or
“As a first lady, I want to be able to make an impromptu speech without causing grievous bodily harm” etc.
People always have ready answers, stating exactly what they want. Me, I never do.
Let’s take this job thing for instance…
I’ve worked before and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Of course, there were bad days, horrible days even, but I loved it. I loved constantly being challenged, meeting targets, learning new things, and walking around the office pretending like I don’t know my skirt is too tight…
Anyone I have ever worked for will tell you that I am NOT a lazy person. I know I’m not a lazy person, but the truth is, right now I want a steady income more than I want a job. And, unless I’m ready to be someone’s mistress, a 9 to 5 job seems like the only way to getting that steady income.
So when people ask me what kinda work I want to do, I used to say I could do anything, as long as the bills get paid. But I noticed that an answer like that makes you sound unserious and ambitionless… so I changed it. Now, I tell people that I want to do environmental work. I give a short speech about my time in Health, Safety and Environment as an industrial trainee in an oil company, how much I benefited while working there, and how I developed a strong passion for environmental protection etc etc…
But do you really wanna know the truth?
I don’t give a rat’s ass as to how my farts contribute to the holes in the Ozone layer. I really don’t care.
I know what I want. I have a million things on my bucket list, things that I still have to do/achieve… but most times I’m too ashamed to say it because the things I want don’t sound like what a normal 30 year old, single, unemployed woman should want. So I keep them to myself.
My fear is that, I’ll be so busy trying to do what a normal single 30 year old should be doing, that I’ll neglect what I REALLY want to do. Then ten years later, I’ll hate my kids, hate Tu Face (their baby daddy), I’ll hate my job and I’ll hate everyone around me because I didn’t do what I REALLY wanted to do.
*sigh* I’m just rambling today people…
As you were.