To all oil block owners…

Good morning people…

You can’t imagine how unhappy I’ve been… not angry with the world as usual, not irritated or cranky, just plain unhappy. I’m talking the kind of unhappiness that there’s no funny side to. And that’s coming from someone who cracks boko haram and Indian bus ride jokes indiscriminately…

My baby bro left on Sunday. I cried at the airport and in the taxi on the way back home. Then I cried some more at home. It wasn’t my customary sexy tears-falling-silenty-down-my-cheeks cry… it was a my-husband-is-being-deployed-to-Iraq-and-he’s-gonna-die-by-shrapnel kind of cry. Yes, I disgraced all of you 🙁

My crying was in stages…

The first stage was the I can’t believe he’s leaving so soon stage. His visit felt so short. It was only ten days, and most of that time was spent with his parents. His trip could’ve gone a lot smoother because from day one, nothing went quite as planned and then it was over before it could get better.

The second stage was the I’m going to miss him stage 🙁

The third stage was the God knows when I’m going to see him again stage. It was this stage that lasted the longest and had me crying the hardest. Why? It was the self-pity stage (most of my “episodes” always end in this stage)… if I owned an oil block, I could afford to fly over to see him on a Friday evening and be back in time for my board meeting first thing Monday morning.

But I don’t own one. The only thing I own that is remotely similar to an oil block is the large pimple on my forehead, so the next best option would be to start banging an oil block owner who can fund this type of movement… but even those are hard to find, especially as I’m now half bald.

It was so bad, I didn’t even have the heart to sit at my desk and put up a post on my blog. It would’ve just come out whinier, bitchier and a lot more depressing than all the other posts (yes, that’s possible). Then people would’ve made comments assuring me that things are gonna get better, telling me how strong I am etc. I would’ve been reminded of all the fantastic things I did when I was in primary two… or how good I was in Maths in JSS3… or how flexible I was on a metal pole in those days…

I would read all the comments, pat myself on the back, sit in front of the mirror and say to myself, “Yes, indeed, you used to be fantastic and you’re so strong!! You’ve been through hell and back… you deserve a medal. In fact, you deserve some ice-cream.”

But after that, WHAT NEXT?

I can no longer use my old problems to shine… I can’t keep bitching about the same things over and over again. I need new problems. I should be telling you guys how my boss watches porn in his office when he thinks no one is looking. I should be gisting you about my married co-worker who is hitting on me. I should be telling you about car troubles, bill payments, fights with a boyfriend.

Easter has come and gone and we’re now in the 2nd quarter of the year. What’s next for you guys? Me, I’m praying for bigger and better problems…

Cheers…

 

6 thoughts on “To all oil block owners…

  1. What does one say to this, reads like the first pages of some best seller. In a sense…it is. Nice one Ngozi. You’ll see him soon enough & your boss won’t be doing porn, just betting on the Champions’ League final.

    Cheers to a most fulfilling 2nd quarter love! 😀

    • Amen darling!!! We’re not smiling this second quarter 😐
      And errrm… I kinda need my boss to do the porn thing. Will I be gisting you guys about Champions League finals? 🙁

  2. EYAH!!! I would have cried for you.. but nah! Hope the second quarter rocks.. just more money i have enough problems already

    • I don’t need help crying… I’m quite skilled on my own. I’m not worried cos I have a feeling the 2nd quarter is going to be fantastic!!!
      What problems do you have na?

  3. stop crying….there’s always drugs, alcohol and one-night stands to put one in a better mood…or you could just watch Grey’s Anatomy.

    • Don’t do drugs…
      Can only take so much alcohol…
      My one night stands always turn into two-month flings 🙁 cos I’m “attachy” like that…
      Grey’s Anatomy it is!!

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