Suicidal questions to ask Ngo…

Good morning people…

How was your weekend? I had one of those stayed-indoors-from-Friday-to-Monday-morning weekends. I didn’t go anywhere… my neighbours probably think I’m dead.

I got some much needed rest though… the last couple of weeks have been really hectic! Did I mention that my baby brother is around? I’ve been looking forward to his visit since the beginning of the month. In fact, since the beginning of the year! Before now, I hadn’t seen him in over THREE years!!! It’s just been phone calls, texts and MTCN numbers the whole time… ( ._.)

Anyway, recently, I’ve been having conflicts with a few people who I feel are trying to take advantage of me… 🙁

You see, one of the worst things about being jobless unemployed between jobs, apart from constantly being broke, is how much of my time gets wasted by other people. One of the things I value most is my time! And lately, I seem to have come across certain people who have an urgent need to help me waste it.

I’ve gotten offers to babysit (for free)…

I’ve been asked to be a Math tutor to a boy who has the attention span of a bar of soap and yet somehow knows all the words to P-Square’s “Alingo”.

I’ve been asked to be a dietician slash training instructor slash weight-loss expert to a woman who doesn’t realize that the only people who “eat for three” are women who are pregnant with twins.

Personal chef, personal assistant and a few more… ALL FOR FREE!

I used to just say, “Sorry, I’m busy”… but I decided that it sounded silly coming from an unemployed person. So now, I simply say, “I’m sorry, I would love to help but I really don’t have the time.”

Smart people reply, “Ok… no problem.”

Sensitive people ask, “Really? Are you working on something now?”

Suicidal people declare, “But you’re not doing anything na!!!” to which I reply, “Well, we just re-painted our house and I’m very busy watching the paint dry… and you know we have a LOTTA walls.”

Here’s the part I don’t get; When some of them hear ‘No’, they get very upset.

And it could be anything else too… not just time.

It’s like your girlfriend who doubles as your accounts officer. She’s constantly calculating your salary for you; After paying tithes, paying his mortgage, he’ll send some money to his mother in the village who has refused to die, he should keep something aside as savings, maybe a lil’ something for his wife and kids, there should be 50% of his salary left, of which I deserve HALF!!

Or the horny idiot who lives next door… He’s thinking to himself; She’s single, she lives alone… guys don’t come around and I’m sure she’s straight, even though she jogs like someone with slight lesbian tendencies. And I can tell by the way she spits at my windshield every time she walks by that she digs me. I should be allowed to “hit that”… in fact, I deserve exclusive “ass-tapping” rights.

My thoughts are scattered today but I hope you guys can see where I’m going with this… It’s just so frustrating that at every turn, there’s someone somewhere trying to take advantage of a situation. And I keep wondering, where the hell do people just get this sense of entitlement? No one owes you SHIT!!!

If you see something you like, it’s ok to want it… it’s ok to ask for it… but you have no right to get upset when you hear “No”.

Parting words;

–          Your boyfriend doesn’t owe you shit… he has other girlfriends to take care of!! Make your own money!

–          If I took out time to teach neighbor A’s child how to make cupcakes, it doesn’t mean I have time to teach your kid. Chances are that I will shove her in the oven along with the cakes. Buy a Cookery book and teach her yourself!

–          And to you boys, it’s my ‘P’ to decide whether or not it will be set and who will do the setting… If p-setter A was successful, it doesn’t mean p-setter B will be. Get a bottle of Jergens or get over it!!

Now I’m just pissed all over again…

9 thoughts on “Suicidal questions to ask Ngo…

    • LOL!!! This cracked me up!!! You are kinda permitted to sound like this… you’ve got so many responsibilities!!! How’re you love?

    • Lol!!! Sweetheart, which one is jonzing phase na? I berra overcome o… it’s getting too much. I fit kee pesin 🙁

  1. Tell them girl! Bloody ass-tappers. The fact that I’m single doesn’t mean I would automatically be available to give u a back-rub. It’s amazing! *smh*

    • Lol@ ass-tappers!!! More like hopeful ass-tappers… it’s soooo irritating my sister. And do you want to know the most irritating part? He isn’t half as cute as his friend!!! He’s got bigger tits than me and his stomach hangs over his jeans…

  2. Ngozi love!

    It will soon be, “it WAS a rough & trying time!” Ok?! Then please, as you’re so good at all these things, better make up price tags, short the booty call. 🙂

    • Sweetie… it better be o. I’m tired already. And the thing with the price tags is, everyone feels that because “na we we” it should be free of charge. Even the booty call, doesn’t a girl at least deserve a bottle of malt first? *smh*

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *