Sexy Deeper Lifers…

Good morning people!!!

Just wanted to say hi… I have to rush this post.

I actually started writing this yesterday, in the backseat of a cab. I packed my bags and went off to my friend’s house; she’s the one getting married on Saturday and I’m a bridesmaid! I’ll be back on Sunday.

Sadly, I got lost on my way there… and I’m usually very good with directions. I was pissed, frustrated, tired and hungry. I couldn’t even call my friend cos there was no network. So I let the cab driver go and I sat in a small shop for a looooong while, until I was able to reach her.

The owner of the shop was nice enough… her friend was there and there was a lot of gossiping and husband bashing. They both looked like they fell in a rainbow; their faces had so many colors and shades. The colours from make-up, the shades from skin-bleaching. Their gist kept me entertained though.

Anyway, my weekend officially started yesterday!! So far, it hasn’t gone quite as planned but things are starting to look up. I’m still excited! There’s still a lot that needs to be done though but my friend isn’t stressed… she doesn’t sweat the small stuff. She just wants to get married to her man, whether in a white flowing gown or wrapped in a plastic bin bag. As long as she marries him and lives happily ever after…

Meanwhile, the man-I-kinda-have-in-my-life has started to suspect that I might suffer from a mild form of mental illness. I pick the silliest fights, especially when I feel like he’s getting too comfortable. Most of the time though, he just ignores me.

He’s a simple, happy-go-lucky guy… he LOVES food and thinks that world peace can be attained if all the world’s leaders could sit and talk over a bottle of Hennessy.  Me, I’m the exact opposite. I don’t think life is that easy… so he doesn’t understand sometimes when I get worked up over certain things.

I’m thinking that part of the problem is, I haven’t really made up my mind about him yet… I don’t know why he’s here. Is it my magnetic and charming personality? Is he genuinely interested in me? Or is it the fact that I can fit a whole cucumber in my mouth without gagging? I keep expecting something bad to happen (like it always does). Then I can say to myself, “Aha!! Charming personality my big black ass… I KNEW it was your anti-gagging reflexes!!!”

He’s probably reading this and just shaking his head… ( ._.)

I need to get a new wig so that I don’t destroy my friend’s wedding pictures…

That’s another thing I’ve been thinking about lately; how much I’ve let myself go. I’ve never been a fashionista, but on a good day, I clean up quite nice. My style is pretty simple; jeans and tops that were mostly stolen from my sister. But because I never really go anywhere special, I’ve somehow gotten used to wearing big baggy shirts over leggings or jeans because it’s easy. It allows me eat like a pig and gives my stomach the freedom to hang down to my knees 😀

Then I took the weight-loss thing way too far and all that junk I used to have in my trunk is gone… The best thing about me, the thing that turned heads, the thing that used to get me to the front of cues is now gone!! What I have now is a “boot” that looks like the back of a VW bug. I didn’t even know when it happened.

Finally, there’s my hair. I cut it cos I wanted to start growing it properly, but I honestly do not like the way I look, especially now that it’s growing back out. I comb it in the morning but by the time I get to the bus stop, I look like I’m trying to communicate with the mothership in Venus with 103 antennas sticking out from my scalp.

I was going for the “natural” look, but it doesn’t seem to be working out. On Friday last week, a Deeper Life pastor who runs a supermarket near my house complemented me. He said he loves my look; no make-up, natural hair and decent clothes… all I could say was, “thank you sir.” Then I added a “God bless you” for special effects.

You know it’s bad when Deeper Life people think you’re cool ( ._.) So I gotta make some changes… I’m bringing sexy back people!! I’m going to eat till my ass is restored to its former glory. I’ll fix my hair, or braid it and from now on, I’ll be wearing clothes so tight, you can see my internal organs (-_-)

Bye people!! Sorry this is so disjointed… 🙁

11 thoughts on “Sexy Deeper Lifers…

  1. lmao @ its bad when deeper life think u r cool. Bring sexy back, I dare u, I double dare u. in a healthy way tho. Enjoy the long weekend. catch bouquet if u can :D. for ur man maybe u should ask y u are there rather y he is here.. know what i mean??.. u might find it. Nice 1 mon ami.

  2. Ahhhhhh a sexy deeperlife babe is like the nurse thingy that gets men to hyperventilate! You sure you wanna lose THAT?

    • Abeg I want to lose it o… it’s not sexy if you don’t FEEL sexy in it!! And besides, studies have shown that these men will get turned on even if you cover up with your carpet and tie your hair with curtains. They’ve got x-ray vision!

    • No time to not disjoint it… I’ve been really busy. Thanks luv…
      How ya been??
      As for him… that’s gist for another day 🙁

  3. OMG!!!This is fantastically hilarious. Her royal crankiness is at the best of CRANK 3. Funny when a female can write stuff about her ‘bf’ with full knowledge of the possibility of him reading it. Now that is Shakespearean. Good enough not the Romeo and Juliet pathway to hell. All well and said, interesting thoughts from an interesting lady. You gotta do what you’ve gotta do…get the trunk running…hehehehhehehehehehehe

  4. there is this subtle sexiness in every confident lady n I know u ve got it. dudes, see it, n they see well too. so, afro or kinky hair, Brazilian or malawian hair, maxi or see thru mini, u r beautiful n sexy.
    as for d guy around u, I don’t care who he is provided it gets me a beau asoebi.

    • Lol @ Malawian hair… my dear, these guys nowadays are not interested in inner confidence and sexiness at all.
      Meanwhile, apparently, you’re the only person who has faith in this guy around me… it is very far from aso-ebi matter. Feel free to give any of your cute brothers or in-laws or colleagues my number 😀

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