Report to the Principal’s office NOW!

Before we start, if you hear your name, please report to the Principal’s office immediately;

Miss Rukky

Spacyzuma

Ga

Efe

Laolu and

Dr C.

Good morning people!!!

Yesterday didn’t go exactly how I hoped it would… at the end of the day, I got home exhausted and my friend made me dinner (even though she was just as tired). I stayed awake only long enough to eat before passing out on the living room couch.

You remember that company I told you guys about? The one owned by a family friend, where they serve free food for lunch? Yeah, so I got dressed and went there yesterday. The plan was to walk in (like a boss) and demanded to see the head nigga in charge… but I knew that the receptionist would never allow me if I did that, especially without an appointment. The lady at the front desk was being a bit difficult (classic Receptionist 101 behavior). I tried to explain that although I didn’t have an appointment, I was sure he would like to see me. All she had to do, was pick up the phone, call him and ask. She said no.

I thought of pulling the fire alarm and causing a distraction so that I could sneak in while everyone else was running out. Then it occurred to me that (1) the guy I was trying to see would be one of the first to run out of the building and (2) there was no fire alarm.

So I changed my mind and asked to see my friend who works there instead. After I didn’t show up on Tuesday, she sent me a few death threats and promised to circumcise me without anesthesia if I didn’t come and see her director the next day… the receptionist had no problems with that and I was led to my friend’s office. My friend had to make a few calls to find out exactly where her director was. Turned out that the dude had gone out and no one knew when he was coming back!!

At that point, I almost left… that’s how pathetic I can be. A big part of me was relieved that he wasn’t in so that I wouldn’t have to see him. I wanted to score myself a ‘B+’ for effort and then turn around and walk out of the building. But I stayed.

I ended up waiting several hours in the receptionist’s office cos I didn’t wanna bug my friend while she was working. While I waited, I chatted with the receptionist… we talked about her family and kids, her village and work in general. Then I read my novel, took a short nap (and somehow managed not to drool all over my nice shirt), ate 100naira worth of boiled groundnuts, took a stroll around the company premises and wrote a short fiction piece in my jotter. Then I went back to my friend’s office to say hi (again), went to the bathroom to fix my make-up and back to the receptionist’s office.

Finally, “Chief” came back at the close of work. By this time, my morale was disgustingly low… I was tired and hungry (before you judge me, groundnut is not food). The receptionist called and then let me go in. Chief was on the balcony of his office, smoking a Cuban cigar cos, you know, REAL BOSS NIGGAZ DO REAL BOSS THINGS!!!!

When I saw him, I did what I always do whenever I meet someone from the past who might not recognize me. I gave him my best I-hear-I-look-exactly-like-my-mother-when-I-smile-like-this  smile. It worked, because he recognized me almost immediately. He looked at me and said, “Ah! Charity’s daughter!”

It was nice catching up though… he asked me a billion questions; asked about my folks, my siblings, life etc. He wanted to know everything! And he made me feel at ease. There was no awkwardness at all. And he didn’t bite my head off.

Long story short, he basically told me that my Biochemistry degree is useless to him. He doesn’t have a place for me in his company. He needs Engineers instead. He reminded me of how good I was with numbers when I was little… so why didn’t I study Engineering or become an accountant? I wanted to tell him that I’ve banged a few engineers in the past… does that count? 😀

Anyway, he promised to look out for something for me. It’s the kind of promise I’ve heard a million times before but we’ll see how things go. I can’t exactly say it was a total waste of time… at least I tried right? And I’m going to try somewhere else tomorrow as well.

Nevertheless, for telling me to go and for making me miss two episodes of The Simpsons, I would like to see the above mentioned people in my office IMMEDIATELY!

30 thoughts on “Report to the Principal’s office NOW!

  1. Ehen? I have reported. Wetin you wan do? Mtcheeeeuuuuwwww!!!!

    If you wanted to tell him you’ve banged engineers before, why not tell him you can bang an engineer again to get more experience? mtchewwwww!!!

    So because you missed episodes of The Simpsons you dey vex? Not even Suites, or Southpark, or Modern Family sef. Simpsons?!?!?! mtcheeeeuuuwwww!!!

    Well, maybe I should grudginly complement you for staying and waiting for the Oga Chief to show up. You’ve already eaten the reward/award for that. Those groundnets were actually sent by me. 😀

    • LMFAO!!!! See all the ‘mtcheeeeews’ everywhere in your comment… Is that how you talked to your Principal in school??

      1. I don’t think engineer-banging is the kind of experience he was looking for.
      2. Grudgingly or “un-grudgingly”, you still sha complemented me and I accept it! :p
      3. I’m a die-hard Modern Family fan too!!!

  2. *steps foward*
    Ma,i vividly remember saying these words exavtly;
    “So happy 4 ya!…but uhm..
    If u getting a job will mean less posts
    n spell doom for us leeches then…pls
    do not go that interview…u might
    get kidnapped!!”

    So u see i should be rewarded..3 words ma..i.told.ya
    + ma,i also remember. Efe,Ga,Dr c n especially Ms rukky N spacyzuma prodding u to go..
    I’l gladly suggest punishments for them ma as i was labour prefect in ma school days…:D

    *steps back*
    *sideNote; I know u’r proly tired of hearing all d ‘God’l do anada 1’ speesh..so i’l personally see pst. E.A adeboye..he’s a family frnd n personal padi!

    • LMAO… You know, I ALMOST didn’t add your name. You were the only one who warned me about a possible kidnapping. Alright then… I don’t know about a reward, but you can go back to class. I’ll handle them the best way I can…
      Meanwhile, you sound like you had a lot of practice in ratting people out when you were in school!

      • Thank u dear ma,
        😀
        oh i remember ratting out the football team for breaking the principal’s window..buh that was waay back..i guess the boy’s grown
        Some balls!

  3. How I wish I could comment to all your posts, sometimes I don’t because someone else already nailed you right, or I get caught up in the day.

    Honestly sha, your posts do me right. Don’t worry you’ll soon be busy, making money busy. Not like I know if its a paying job or a freelance thingy of a kind but I believe you’ll soon be posting new views, still hilarious, but new towes.

    Well 2 thumbs up to you for not giving up & keeping it real. Who knows, this last I’ll look around for you might actually pan out & you’ll have more to share.

    Stay sweet love.
    Missed you!
    ({})

      • Be strong Ngozi, there’s a time for everything. The present is always a good time for something. Be it to lighten the load of a friend with your blog or lay your burdens @ Christ’s feet.

        You’ve always been busy doing good as you think it aught be.

        Ignore man that has his own view of the scriptures, because many an anointed men put us off the word & participation with the congregation.

        I may not be perfect in encouraging you to higher heights but I know HE is & a moment of desperation one liner to him, may not be enough after we’ve spent 3 days with out food or a bath….watching BBA.

        An example, if your man spent only 15 mins, accumulated, a week on you, wouldn’t you be exposed to Mr B’s charm & constant communication? Even God has feelings…HE’s very jealous I hear.

        Ngozi if man can know so little of how wonderful you are & be jealous of you…
        Then what of HE who knows how perfectly delightful you are?

        Just a thought ok.
        Love you cuz! ({})

  4. hmmm. and see me fearing dat somtin bad had happened. dis gel, u r not sharp. wen the guy said he doesn’t have vacancy for biochemist u should have told him that you are professional at lighting cigar. better still, that u have some militant boyfriend who gets them cheap-cheap str8 from Cuba. kai. my advice is; don’t let him go free with ‘i will see what i can do’. Call him every Sunday afternoon – just after church so he go shame to lie – and ask him how far. remember the violent take it by force and boiled groundnut is an expensive addiction. so hurry up and get a job bcos my bday is less than a month away and i’m expecting a Galaxy S5 from you. i have said my own. over to you, madam Prinicipal.

    • LMAO!!! His professional cigar lighter slash PA was right beside him the whole time… but I get the message. And boy do I know about groundnut being an expensive addiction!! I don’t know about S5, but I can promise you the phone case 😀

  5. Eeya, sorry dear, *chuckles* don’t lose hope, hu kno, he may get you a customer service representative job with mtn! =))º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º‎​=))

    • Lol! Nah… I haven’t lost hope at all…
      And as much as I despise MTN, if they are paying, then I’m willing to close my eyes and receive the mark of the beast. These bills won’t pay themselves 😉

  6. hehehehehe
    you gave it a shot dats wat matters
    dnt worry u will get a paying job soonest.
    even if its from mtn
    goodluck dear
    love ya udates

    • LOL!! At this rate, even a customer care job from MTN would be welcome! Thank you so much Orela (beautiful name by the way)…
      And please forgive me for approving this so late. I’ve been off here for a while…

  7. *lol at mark of the beast* I know this post has been up fo awhile but I have gotten tired of opening and closing d page everyday in hope of nu material….(Goes without saying that we kno u have a life but 12days is long for an addict without a fix) here’s hoping dis triggers a new post or at least elongates the comments thread. Hope u r good… Miss ur writing

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