Good morning people!
It’s been a while hasn’t it?…
Mother was around over the weekend. She had attended a church conference just outside of town and after the conference she decided to come into Lagos to visit her daughter’s sister 😀
She finally left yesterday morning. I wasn’t in tears when she left, I wasn’t sad or devastated, but it was nice that for once, I didn’t do cartwheels of joy as she was on her way out. For once, she came, spent a few days and left with no stab wounds or head injuries. In other words, it was more or less a peaceful visit.
Me and my mum are not like the average mother-daughter pair (like the type you see on tv). We don’t talk about men; I can’t tell her about my relationships or my friendswithbeneships… she watches the news a lot, but we don’t talk about that either. I don’t tell her about stuff that goes on in my life. She doesn’t even know I own a blog. It’s just the way it is…
We used to constantly butt heads and people say it is because we are a lot alike. I guess I can see that now that I’m older… I should also mention that I look exactly like her ( . _.)
I remember a long time ago, when we were having serious issues. I went to spend some time with my favourite uncle, who is now late… whenever I had a problem with my mum, he was always on my side. Anyway, on that trip, I met his new wife for the first time. She was amazed at the resemblance between me and my mum and she told me that if my mum died and I went to their village, people would run because they would think my mum had come back to life…
I told her that I was highly interested in testing that theory out ( ._.) Don’t judge me, I was pissed…
One of the spiritual gifts the Lord has blessed my mum with, is the divine ability to ask a question and, in the same breath, answer her question with another question. She already knows the answer and because she knows the answer, she can already guess what you’re gonna say. So what she does is that she will develop a theory and run with it, then build on it till it becomes fact.
When she came on Saturday I was just out of the shower, wrapped in a towel, and her assault began immediately;
Question 1; Why have you lost so much weight?!
Answer; Haven’t you been eating?
Me; Welcome mummy.
Question 2; Why are you looking like this?
Answer; Is this the way you like it?
Question 3; Why did you cut your hair?
Answer; Is it because you don’t have money to be making it?
Question 4; Don’t you think this place is too dark?
Answer; Why don’t you ever open the curtains?
And that’s how it went that Saturday morning. I wasn’t there when she was giving my father her analysis/report but knowing her, by now he thinks that my prolonged state of being unemployed has made me clinically depressed, which has caused a reduction in appetite. The reduction in appetite has in turn led to anorexia. As a result of severe malnutrition, chunks of my hair have fallen off so I cut it to even it out. And also, I’m a vampire slash werewolf who reacts to sunlight…
It’s no wonder she failed Interrogation 101 in the Police Academy… *smh*
Anyway, once I was able to convince her that I’m not clinically depressed, or HIV positive, the rest of the visit was event free.
The roof renovation is on-going and I’m still camped in the living room downstairs. A few more workers have joined the first three, so there’s even more noise and chaos. More workers means more fights. So, I’ve been called a few times to settle disputes between the head carpenter and the head iron-bender. I always end these issues peacefully, using negotiation and conflict resolution skills I learned from watching Tom and Jerry. It kinda makes me feel wise 😀
The head carpenter is the Lagbaja wanna-be who is always singing. He’s a very funny, carefree person. He says he likes me and he’s going to marry me… he even told my mum when she was here. I’m thinking a safer bet would be for me to go to a lab, break into the AIDS cupboard and inject myself with the virus directly. This dude brings a different girl to his room almost every night!!!
On the other hand, the iron bender looks like he attended kindergarten with Methuselah. He keeps calling me his daughter and I don’t like it.
So apart from the entertainment I get from watching the workers fight, it has been a VERY slow week…
Hope yours is going much better.