Plan B is not just a contraceptive…

Good day people!!

I had a very uneventful weekend so don’t be expecting any stories about celeb weddings and birthday parties. I’m supposed to still be “taking things easy”… that’s what the doctor ordered. I still have very bad headaches, but Lord knows I feel a million times better than before.

It was a quiet weekend, spent mostly in bed reading a novel and watching movies. On Sunday I went to church where the pastor made us pray for our enemies to die by fire. I haven’t been out today so I’m not sure which of my neighbours and my exes is still alive…Anyway, a strange thing happened to me last week… There’s no way to explain it without sounding jealous or insane, but I’ll try anyways.

It’s my Plan-C guy. This guy is one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world, someone who knows me better than most…

He told me last week that he proposed to a girl and I’m still trying to pick my jaw up from the floor… I’m in shock. I can’t explain it… it’s like, one day, it was me and him against the world; we believed in love, but we just didn’t do love. In fact, we always laughed at people who were in love. We thought marriage was something secretly designed by God to punish both men and women and we kind of decided (although it was an unspoken agreement) that we would be single forever. Next thing I know, dude fell in love and proposed to a girl…

And he wasn’t even in a relationship! He was miserable in his last relationship so I we he recently broke up with his ex. The girl he proposed to was just his friend before he suddenly realized he was in love with her!!! Only good thing about all this is that she’s a really decent person…

But now, it’s got me thinking… if my Plan-C guy is getting married, then maybe I really have to get my act together. I have to start thinking about settling down and finding the right guy and all that crap. And where the hell am I supposed to start from???!!

The idea behind having a Plan-C guy is so that if a time comes when I start to feel my eggs shriveling up in my ovaries, bad-as-e-bad, I would hold a gun to his head, propose to him and marry him. It would be a marriage of convenience but at least I would have my kids “in my husband’s house” (just the way society likes it) and I might even let him play with the kids once in a while… His parents would be happy that he found a good wife (as long as they don’t read my blog) and my father would be happy to have someone take me off his hands. My dad might even offer to pay them a bride price… just to get rid of me 🙁

Two of my girlfriends each offered to hook me up with a friend of theirs, but I’m just not in the mood to meet another “great” guy who is a successful lawyer & church usher by day, but a crack-addicted male dominatrix by night. I’ve told them that I’m still closed for business…

Sometimes, when I think of all the work that goes into relationships- being nice, being decent, constant communication, keeping my armpits and er… other body parts clean shaven all the time- I just get so discouraged… I’d rather stay in bed and eat and let the hair grow wildly.

As you were people… I’m just rambling today.

Have a blessed week!

34 thoughts on “Plan B is not just a contraceptive…

  1. Madam!!!!!!!! In life you have to keep on trying till something works out, if you don’t take the risk how will you ever know??? There are always the pros and cons of a relationship (whether you’re just dating or you’re married) you’re an amazing person and if you keep your head standards and heels high, you will definitely meet a great guy that would sweep you off your feet.
    Love is a beautiful thing! Don’t get it TWISTED!

    • I’M D’BANJ!!!
      Lol @head, standards and heels… I love that! Believe me, I know it’s a beautiful thing… I’ve loved the love before. Ru baby it’s just too much work!!

    • Sweetie! Glad to see you here… and I’m happy you liked it.
      Meanwhile, who was finding your trouble the other day on Facebook? It sounded like you were angry… 🙁 I for beat pesin o!!!

  2. Another entertaining article. I wish I could pay you to be writing articles every (other) day. 🙂

    Pele about your Plan-C. Love makes people do crazy things. But as long as he hasn’t said I do, I’m sure you can still reclaim him and raise him to Plan A. *hugs*

    I know how you feel about not wanting to put in effort into looking good for a relationship. I hardly bother with improving myself to give a positive impression. I dress as I like, pay little attention to fashion, don’t bother being nice and gentlemanly/friendly with most women, etc… I think I’m in trouble o. 🙁

    How long do I have to wait before I start making my own backup plans? October will mark my 28th. Matbe I gotta start looking for my own Plan B, C upto Y. I’m already my own Plan Z(uma).

    Oh, and pls, don’t let that ‘hair’ grow widely abeg. It’s such a huge disgusting turn-off. Even if you don’t shave them clean, at least trim them. There’s this post I made on facebook some years ago: “I like the desert, I can tolerate the savannah too. But I will not go down on any babe that presents mangrove swamp or rainforest to my face!”

    And then, christian religious leaders that encourage hate and death towards enemies need to be burned and killed too! Didn’t their Jesus tell them to love their enemies too? Mtcheuw!!!

    • LMAO!!! Mangrove swamp??… Never! I don’t need my nails getting caught in anything while I’m err… DIY-ing it.
      As for Plan C, he’s off the list. Funny thing is, there is no plan A or B… smh. I’m not serious at all. But I don’t think I’m as bad as you… if things are really as you say they are, then Ify you’re really in trouble. I clean up nice for me though, not for anyone else…

      Meanwhile, 28??!!! You is not a small boiz o…

      • LMFAO at *DIYing* that was genius. As regards ur plan C its funny u didn’t say if she said yes or no… Here’s hoping u marry for love and not convinience, I hear it gets really inconviniencing after a whille…

        • Lol! Yeah… I’ve heard that too… knowing me, I would probably catch feelings after he gives me my first child, then things would get all complicated… smh
          How did the thing go yesterday (whatever it was we were wishing you good luck in)?

          • It went really well if I say so myself but unfortunately its not up to me, so I’ll know for certain in a few….tnks for asking. Btw noticed u know obi10 on twitter.. Metoo

          • May the force be with you!! 😉
            Lol… how do you know Obinna?? You guys bust rhymes n’ shii? Cos that’s his thing…
            That’s my paddy o! Known him a long time…

  3. By the Power vested in me by your forefathers and Cupid and all those who have a vested interested in your couplation such as your family, your part-time pastor, your gateman, your rapidly diminishing ovarian vault, your ever-loving blog-followers and the Wedding Planners Association of your village; I now declare you OPEN FOR BUSINESS. You have no say in this matter, by the way.

    • LMAO!!!… rapidly diminishing ovarian vault?… Wedding Planners Association of your village?
      If it was by Cupid and my blog-followers alone, the powers vested in you woulda made sense… As it is, I’m STILL closed for business!! :p

    • Lol!! Funny thing is, there was no A or B… just C. So I still have 24 alphabets left, but I’m still not trying jare…
      Closed for business!!!

  4. @zuma n drC Took d words outta me mouth,buh damn u have a way of making the worst situations look like a spongebob episode…i’m sure u’r in 4 sum happy-ending fairytale shii n this is jus d omnipresent rough patch that u’d tell in ur success story…cheers yo!

    • Spongebob is the coolest guy EVER!!! If he were real, I would be his groupie…
      That’s the only thing that keeps us all going isn’t it? The success story at the end… Thanks luv.

  5. im laffing honestly not sure if its with you or at you…..
    drop the alphabets they are just 26. .limited options
    try numbers
    cause no matter how many you count(i pray you wont get to infinity..n i know you wont)..
    the person you finally hook up with for wateva reason will be ya number 1..

    in an unrelated gist…i gat a job….dis time around wifout even draining my already empty purse for a form…
    somborri scream hallelujah..

    • HALLELUJAH!!! That’s not unrelated gist at all… that’s the kind of gist I desperately need to hear. Congrats dear… so happy for you!
      The last thing on my mind is Options A to Z 🙁

    • HALLELUYAH!! congrats Orela dimples…you see the anointing on this page is strong…oya send all of us recharge card as thanksgiving offering…

  6. Toh. I’ve had a good laugh reading this blog, seriously. You’ve been knowing that Space guy for long abi? Okay…

    My Plan C guy proposed to me, he wasn’t even my plan C sef. All I did was think of him being with someone else, I would have totally felt bad so, I went back after a two weeks and said yes oh! I was not even looking and the next thing I don get husband.

    Your plan A will come to you jare, shaved pits or not… ;p

    • Thanks Jiddah… this has to be one of the most romantic things I’ve heard in my life (seriously). I always imagined that this is exactly how it should be… and you would never have forgiven yourself if he had ended up with someone else! You would’ve had to go through the added stress of pretending to be happy for him.
      I’m not looking for now… but I’ll still keep the pits shaved sha, just in case 😉

    • Wait,hol up, stop furst…
      No kidding??..there has to be more to this bollywood-esque story na!..
      Amean..’next thing u knw u r married!’

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