Part II: Jehova, Na Me Be Dis?

Ok, so this is part two of my weekend story… 🙂

While Chucks was talking, I imagined myself at a dinner party with my carpenter and his girlfriend, and some of their other friends and I almost threw up in my mouth. What the hell were we gonna talk about? As insulted as I was, I didn’t have the heart to ask him if he’s been swallowing some engine oil. I should have said a firm No!, but I couldn’t. Instead, I promised I would call the next day to let him know if I would be able to make it. I knew that even if Jesus himself asked me to go, I wouldn’t.

By Friday evening, I came down with a bad cold.

I spent Friday night and Saturday morning bugging contacts in my phone book. I called some friends, chatted with some people and stalked some others on twitter. It was a very uneventful Saturday morning until I called one of my old friends. He wanted to take me out to dinner but I told him I couldn’t go cos I had a cold. My sneeze sounds as unsexy as my laughter and I didn’t want to spread the virus, but he insisted so I said yes.

I spent all afternoon getting ready… I changed my nail polish, took a shower and picked out two outfits cos I wasn’t sure where we were going yet. There was one casual I’m-going-to-dinner-with-an-old-friend outfit and one don’t-you-dare-bend-down-to-pick-up-that-coin dress. I was actually VERY excited because he’s one of those friends that have known me for ages so the plan was to go out without my wig and have unlimited fun without worrying about things like how to chew like a lady. He accepts me as I am, moro moro and all. And besides, he doesn’t have any hair himself so we’re even.

Long story short, as I type this, I’m still waiting for Nnamdi’s call because I got stood up!!! (You can laugh all you want)… 🙁

I waited, and waited and waited but there was no call or text. I felt terrible.

Meanwhile, Chucks The Repairman kept calling till my phone almost exploded. I was already in a foul mood. I eventually answered the phone and told him I couldn’t go out cos I had a cold. Next thing I know the dude started his own rant, going on and on about how disappointed he is, how much he was looking forward to having me attend the dinner with him, asking what I’m going to be doing at home and who I will be with. The only thing missing in his rant was a pair of prosthetics (blades), a gun and four bullets.

It was a classic, “Jehova, na me be dis?” moment. His gbagauns were more pronounced cos he was pissed and he was yelling and although it was amusing, it was even more insulting. I had only myself to blame for all the times I laughed at his lame jokes and all the times I walked past his shop and waved.

I took something for the cold and slept like a baby 🙂

Sunday was quiet and peaceful. I was feeling much better and I took a loooong walk in the morning after jogging. Then I spent the rest of the day eating like a starving hippo and watching Modern Family and Glee. So how was your weekend?

Let’s have a great week people…

 

17 thoughts on “Part II: Jehova, Na Me Be Dis?

  1. Ngozi Orji..sumtyms I laff out so loud while readn ur blog dat I scare my son. You rili are a character and u know how to paint a good picture for d reader.. Ur doin a great job wit ur blog. Are u in lagos?

    • LOL!!! Please don’t scare him o… laugh small small 🙂
      Thanks so much darlin’. Means a lot to me, really. Yup, I’m here o… I came in search of greener pastures 🙂
      Muah!!!

  2. Having such days makes u wonder… where are your true friends… u should have said a very sharp no… wetin dey do u sef… the Ngozi i know will give a hellish no… u dey slack o… come for more training.

    • My dear, you are probably right. Maybe I really am slacking… do you offer online training courses? Cos you’re far away…
      How’re ya dear? How’s wifey?

    • Darlin’ I was also home all weekend… I just made it sound interesting. At some point, there was hope of activity, but alas! all hope was dashed! So at the end of the day, we both had NA WE BE DIS weekends 😀
      We shall not let next weekend pass us by IJN. Amen!!

  3. R U SERIOUS! He threw a fit? Nah, nah, nah, that’s dangerous luv. Wha! U need to revise ur engagement strategy with that guy. Be careful too, cos him ranting reeks of mental instability/reality distortion like gangbusters. For all u know u were betrothed to him at the gate. Hmm! Moral of the story, Stop being nice to mad ppl. Lol.

    • I swear Obinna… I was shocked. I’m not revising anything cos there is officially no more engagement. My gen will get a new gen-doctor and I will start taking a side-road so that I don’t have to walk past his Elgee shop again.
      He called non-stop yesterday. God forbid that I will be the next Reeva.
      And I agree with the moral of the story my dear, but how can I tell the difference? Most of them look “normal”.

    • How can??! A whole Stryker? People like you don’t have weekends like that na…
      How’re ya love? Anything for the gehs? I can be in PH in a flash!

  4. O dear dear dear! Na here wahala burst, throway humility for bush, cause Jesus to close eyes….

    WTF!!!! You no tell am to come over, set your pig on am, unleash the evil deep within you, via hot slap & then as im wan Reava you….call out the Nigerian rent a cops you hired to take him to the station for assault & then get a restraining order in the magnitude of one kilometer slammed upon his over gingered ass…!

    But you gats to be impressed with the guy! No matter how misplaced the faith, omo’ the guy gather enough….see enough liver & to spare.
    Choi! 🙁

    • LOL!! How the hell do you come up with these silly things?? But yeah, humility is now in the bush…
      I can’t rely on Piggy for anything. She’s too judgmental 🙁 She’ll just keep oinking about how it serves me right for being so “nice”.
      Ini, my brother, the guy gather enough liver plus extra balls. He called non-stop the next day.

  5. My dear I have no idea where I get them from o! Wish I could be normal like you….talking about sanity. He’s now an enraged boy friend in his mind. Sweetie please get help fast. The guy aint stable. Call out for help

    • Normal? Honey I think that ship has sailed… there’s nothing you can do. We love you just the way you are 😀

  6. there you go again girl. filming me secretly and then exposing me on your blog. except u got the job part mixed up; it was the company driver. days after telling me how he had unbeknownst to his wife impregnated an 18 yr old calabar girl who has had twins for him and whom he is now catering for full-time; and me listening patiently in my doctor-mode; then mr driver calls to tell me he loves me and how is ‘his’ father-in-law? and then i realised my attempts at tryin to put him off nicely didnt work when he cornered me at work to find out when i would be free so we can ‘meet’. *sigh* that night i had a ‘na me be dis’ booze-fest. anyway the misguided wandering prick of the prick has finally gotten the msg and taken his poisonous double-headed sperm elsewhere.

    • LOOOL!!!! Poisonous double-headed sperm!!!
      What balls!!!! Are you serious? I am highly insulted on your behalf… and he’s even married!
      I don’t complain so much anymore because I’ve come to realize that his disgusting sob story would actually work on some women. Some women are lonely and desperate enough to do these guys, so they try their luck with any woman they meet.
      God help us!

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