No explanations, just babies…

Good morning people!!!    😀

I just made a life-changing decision…

More like, I’m in the process of making a life-changing decision. Let me tell you about my weekend first because that was how I got this crazy idea.

It all started on Saturday morning… there I was, lying in bed, bored stiff, broke as hell and feeling sorry for myself. I was listening to music on my phone and thinking of six million ways to die. I had gotten to number 4,875,394 when my friend called me up. She said she was on her way out and asked if I wanted to come along…

“Hellz yeah!!!” I said…

One hour later, she came to rescue me pick me up and off we went! I had been craving that Coldstone’s Coffee lovers only ice-cream the whole of last week so that was the first place she took me to; to get some ice-cream.

I don’t know about other girls but when a girl takes me out, it’s not the same as when a guy takes me out. I don’t get asked out very often by guys, but when I do, I’m always very wary…

Almost every guy has a version of the story where he took a girl out on a date and the date ended up costing him an arm and a leg… it could be that his date came along with her friend, or maybe she ordered enough food for her entire community, or she insisted on “take away” for all the girls in the left wing of her hostel. Either way, by the end of the date, the dude doesn’t have enough money on him to pay for everything she ordered. We’ve heard it a million times before…

And that’s why I’m always wary. I don’t want to be the girl who made a guy deposit his Bold 5 in a restaurant and walk from VI to Surulere because he used his transport money to pay for my Chow mien with Sweet & Sour sauce…

HOWEVER, when my female friends take me out… Oh Lawd!!! Pardon my French, but I fuck that menu up! I get two types of desserts, I order for food I can’t even pronounce, and if the food arrives and it resembles Lizards fried in batter, I’m not ashamed to ask for my order to be changed… One time, I even ordered for VAT ( ._.)

After the ice-cream, we got pizza and then ended up at her place. Sunday was the best cos it was a full house and we made a big lunch 😀 Even my brother came over.

I had so much fun! Did I mention that she has the most adorable baby in the whole wide world? He was honestly the best part of my weekend. We played together, ate together and slept together… he even laughed at all my jokes. I fell MADLY in love with him and I can’t say for sure, but I think he feels the same way… I tried to steal him as I was leaving yesterday but I got caught when my friend noticed movements in my handbag. After a few hours of interrogation, I confessed and handed him over. Besides, he had started crying inside my handbag and no one there believed that it was the sound of my ringtone.

Ok, that last part is a lie…

I didn’t really steal him, but it was SO hard to say goodbye 🙁 Eventually, I did say goodbye and handed him over grudgingly… his mum went to work, he went to daycare and I came back home.

That was when I started thinking of having a baby of my own… I’m 30 years old, and the men aren’t exactly kicking my door down. The truth is that, if I had a child right now, I would owe no one any explanations. My dad might re-re-re-disown me and my mum would probably relocate to Kano in shame, but that is really the worst that could happen. I’m old enough to not owe any explanations. Only thing stopping me is my unemployed state… I can’t have my baby drinking pap and Cowbell milk when he/she should be drinking Nestle Good Start formula.

So, I’m going to answer a few questions that some of you are asking in your minds:

1. Yes, I agree that “God’s time is the best” and that God is “sending me my husband”…

2.

  • No, I don’t think I’m too old and I’m not afraid that my eggs are turning to omelets…

3.

  • Yes, I understand having a baby is more than having a little person to play dress-up with and it entails a lot of responsibilities…

4.

  • No, I don’t give a rat’s ass what “people will say”…

5.

  • No, I don’t think it’s selfish of me to bring a child into this world without a father… I’ll just tell the kid that his/her dad died in Vietnam.

All I need now is a well-paying job and a kindhearted individual to donate his swimmers…:D

See  you guys tomorrow.

31 thoughts on “No explanations, just babies…

  1. =))º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º‎​=)) crazy geh
    I’l come for my real comment when I stop laughing, L̳̿Ö̤̣̇☺ː̗̀( =)) =D \)ː̖́☺Ö̤̣̇L̳̿.!

  2. Have Mixed race puuhhhleaseee… i need that hair to play with beta yet lets just adopt some american or vietnamese baby ……lololol

  3. My real comment, Stella, *did u just raise ur eyebrows?* we don’t have to put you thru d stress of pregnancy + childbirth, let’s just hatch out a plan to kidnap ur friend’s kid, n find a way to change his hair colour…

    • Did you hear what happened to the last guy who called me Stella?? The doctors say he will regain full use of his legs in a few years…
      Meanwhile, I really don’t mind the pregnancy and childbirth, but I also love the idea of kidnapping my friend’s baby. You gotta come up with something fast though cos she might not let me near him again… 🙁

      • Yeee, leg breaker of life! I ain’t scared of u tho, I have wolverine’s mutation, uncharted regenerative abilities, I’l be back on my feet_yea pun intended_ next day!
        Abt pregnancy n childbirth, baby, its not beans o, trust me I know (from work, don’t ask)
        The baby now, are you quick on ur feet? Got a plan already, but u gotta be at least a 12 second runner for us both to not cool off our heels behind bars *in d same cell* for a few months. Lemme know when u’r ready ok?
        Still calln u Stella in my mind (>_>)

        • Lol… oya you can call me Stella.
          And I know (from A LOT of my friends who have had kids) that childbirth isn’t beans. But there’s a reason they do it a second and third time…
          Meanwhile, 12 second runner???!!! Maybe I should just ask her nicely if I can have him…

  4. ~~~~● ~~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~● ~~~~●
    Don’t worry, I have good recessive genes.
    All you need now is a well paying job. This nigga don’t do child support.

    • Thank you!!! You were supposed to deposit them in a plastic cup though, but I’ll see what I can do with these… I’ll freeze them till I hear from Total/Shell/Chevron…

    • Lol… yeah, it was after I put that up that I realized that finding donors will be the least of my problems… 🙁

  5. I love this blog. Wish there were posts every hour though. Kudos to u HRC for taking time out to reply comments…*now calling child services about a posssible kidnap* …. Oh wait they don’t exist in Naija

    • LOL! EVERY HOUR???!!! We would both get bored stiff… I’d just keep updating you guys on my Spider Solitaire scores all day.
      Meanwhile, I don’t get why no one will help me steal my boo boo. If you could just meet him and let him he drool all over you and bite you with his four teeth, you would fall in love with him too, and might wanna steal him too… 🙁
      Thanks dear 😀

  6. just discovered ur blog yesterday n its so much fun to read.think ur a bit crazy in d head sha:-P. cant wait to read wat u write next.

    • A bit crazy in the head?? 🙁 I seem to be hearing that a lot lately…
      Maybe I should start taking my meds again ( ._.)
      Thanks luv… and welcome to my blog!!! 😉

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