If I could write an open letter, it would go like this…

Good morning people!

I didn’t get much sleep last night so I’m crankier than usual today. Plus the MD of my company sent for me… says he wants to see me. I hear I’m in big trouble, so I’m at head office this morning. I’ll gist you guys about that later. It should make a nice blog post…

Meanwhile, the power situation at home is getting worse by the day. So, last night, while the heat kept me up I was thinking of what it would be like to write a letter to NEPA. If I could write to them, it would go something like this…

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Dear NEPA,

I am writing to tell you that I am tired. Yes, I know I have several other issues… my job sucks, I’m always broke and I’m the president of SAN (Singles Association of Nigeria), Warri chapter. All of that is enough to make anyone tired. But you guys… you guys frustrate the hell out of me.

You see, there are two main reasons I dream of running away from this country; the first one is that I owe a lot of people money. And the second reason, which is the main reason, is you. Yes NEPA, YOU!

I dream of running away to places like Togo and Ghana… even Central African Republic… just any place where half of their annual budget is not channeled towards candle making and torch importation. Any place where there’s light!

You have no idea the shame you’ve caused me. On my street, I am now the neighbor of the infamous “I better pass my neighbor” generator. Yes, my neighbors better pass me because I don’t have light, I don’t have fuel and even if I did, my gen is giving problems from over use. I switched it on the other day and after a few minutes, it started coughing up blood and eventually packed up.

NEPA I am tired… :'(

Now I stay in the office till late and while my boss thinks I’m a hardworking over-achiever who is striving to move his company forward, what I’m really doing is charging my phone and my laptop.

I honestly don’t know anyone who works in NEPA. If I did, I would’ve asked two very important questions about the national power grid;

  1. As a NEPA worker, how do you sleep at night with a clear conscience?
  2. How do you get 10, 11 or sometimes even 12 able bodied NEPA workers to fit into one NEPA truck?… with a ladder sef.

And in case you think I’m just blabbing, I’ll have you know I pay my bills… I’ve never connected anything illegally without settling some of your people. The only time I defaulted, I made sure I paid the Reconnection-after-disconnection-even-though-they-saw-the-photocopy-of-the-bill-on-my-gate fee. I have been a relatively good electrical citizen… so don’t I deserve electricity?

It’s been two days now and the closest thing to electricity I’ve seen is the sparks that were flying out of my mum’s head when I told her that I wanted to audition for Big Brother Umuahia. The only reason I haven’t started a riot is that one good thing has come out of all this.

That’s right, there’s a silver lining… Because of you NEPA, I have re-dedicated my life to Christ. I used to doubt that Jesus loves me. So many things were going wrong and I thought he had abandoned me. But then, it dawned on me that it is only God’s love and protection that has brought me this far…

Do you realize how many times I’ve eaten soup/stew that was looking and smelling suspicious? Even when I’m warming the soup/stew, I know deep down that it is not bubbling like that because it is happy. There is no such thing as happy egusi soup… if YOU were in a fridge that wasn’t cooling consistently, wouldn’t you bubble too??

But God kept me through it all.

I’m not even going to talk about the times I had to make up in the dark. Maybe you should try drawing your eyebrows when it’s dark… see if you won’t come out looking permanently surprised. All my colleagues think I’m Benin because of these eyebrows.

NEPA… why?

I’m not demanding again… as a realistic citizen of this country, I know I have no right to demand for electricity. I am now begging. I know you can do it. Surprise me with light when I get home NEPA… search deep within the cables of your soul and find it within your heart to give me light.

Thank you.

Yours Sincerely,

 Charging my torch at work…

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Happy New Month people! 😉

8 thoughts on “If I could write an open letter, it would go like this…

  1. Truth is I love such satirical writers.couldn’t hold ma laughter.gurl,I hope u’r working at something close to writing cos u do have dis gift.u rock.wont mind knowing u more.

    • Thank you Yemisi!!! And welcome to my blog… Yes, I’m working on writing but I know I’m not working as hard as I should 🙁

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