Dubleew dubleew dot NSCDC dot cum…

Good morning people… How’ve you guys been?

Last week was terribly busy… My friend came into town and I was the (self-appointed) chaperon. She had places to go and people to see so we were constantly on the move, going from one end of town to another. This friend of mine is a very close friend, but in reality, we don’t have very much in common. I met a lot of her friends and, as is always the case with us, I found that I didn’t have too much in common with her friends either.

They weren’t all bad… some were nice enough and it was a genuine pleasure to meet them. Some I felt like throwing over the edge of a cliff just to see if they could fly or, if not, how much of a mess their brains would make on the ground at the bottom of the cliff.

By the third day however, I was tired. I got tired of always having to defend myself, or explain why I am the way I am and why I’m not EXACTLY like them. Eventually, I was able to convince myself that the chances of her being robbed, kidnapped or beheaded in my absence were slim, so I quit my volunteer job as chaperon… she’s been doing her running around alone. She’s still alive and well and un-kidnapped. Our friendship took a slight bruising but we’ll be fine 🙁

Anyway, I wasn’t so busy that I didn’t know what was going on around me…

I think I’m the only person who hasn’t yet cracked a ‘My oga at the top’ joke. Before that embarrassing interview, the term ‘My oga at the top’ was just vernacular for missionary position. Now, thanks to the retarded twit, we won’t hear the end of it…

Yes, I laughed my ass off when I first watched it. In fact, I laughed the first 53 times I watched the video… but by the 54th viewing, I started to get irritated. 55th I was angry. 56th I wanted his resignation. 72nd I wanted his entire lineage wiped out.

Why, you ask. Well, I was reminded of my days as a youth corper when I served as a Biology teacher in a government secondary school. There were French teachers whose only knowledge of French was “Ménage à trois”… then we had science teachers who couldn’t properly balance a chemical equation. You guys can’t imagine how badly the students were affected by this. And it was those kinds of teachers who had visions of moving up the ladder and maybe one day becoming Principal of a school!!

So, no, I didn’t feel bad when I heard about his suspension. I think he should use this time to sit in front of his mirror every day and recite the words ‘World Wide WEB’ over and over again. And he should learn that most websites end with dot-cum and not ‘dasol’ (that’s all).

I also learned a new language some days ago. I only know a few words (a few bad words) but I’m hoping that with time I will get better. I was learning to speak Ijaw (Bayelsa Ijaw). It’s actually not a difficult language… Let me teach you;

‘Confused’ in Ijaw is ‘Ebele’.

‘F*@kfaced’ is ‘Goodluck’.

‘Wanker’ is ‘Jonathan’.

We can form a sentence using those three words;

Eg. Goodluck Ebele Jonathan is a goodluck ebele jonathan.

You see how easy it is? I’ll let you guys know when I learn more but this is essentially all there is to know…

When I heard that GEJ pardoned Alamie-whatever, I thought maybe he wanted to hire him as a personal stylist and make-up artist for Dame Patience. But alas! I was wrong…

It’s extra painful for me because I’ve always been a secret GEJ supporter. I always say I’m not a fan, but I really am (or used to be). I didn’t use his picture as my Facebook profile picture (like my sister did) but I believed him because at that point in time, I felt he was the lesser of many evils.

Due to recent events, I’m therefore using this forum to officially renounce all things GEJ…

…and any one (lawyer, barrister or whoever) who tries to use legalese to confuse me by telling me that there’s a difference between a presidential “pardon” and “clemency” is just a jonathan who is as goodluck as our president :p

Have a blessed week people…

9 thoughts on “Dubleew dubleew dot NSCDC dot cum…

  1. The most annoying part of the whole ‘oga at the top’ thing is ppl trying to make me feel guilty for laughing at how ridiculous mr shem made himself look. Had he said ‘I do not remember at the moment’ or ‘I’ll get back to you with the information’ I would have respected his honesty. But the way he was trying to use ‘agbari’ to dodge the question really annoyed me. He even had the beauty contestant smile plastered on his face. Job man!

    • LOL @ agbari!!! You are so right… he practically dug the hole by himself. The ‘beauty contestant smile’ even made him look dumber sef. No one can make me feel guilty o!!! If it was possible to come up with more jokes, I would.

  2. Its his kids I honestly sympathize with. I imagine he would have at least one in a higher institution. All the buzz is likely to have some psychological effect on them. Lord please protect those kids…

    Then I can’t imagine how you waited till the presidential pardon incident to learn Ijaw. Since 1st January, 2012, I accepted ‘confused’ lived up to his name. An educated southern ‘christian’ president hiked prices on petroleum products in January. When the budget runs till April & most christians are broke. Then he can’t account for the… Let me hold my peace.
    Nothing he does surprises me any more. I beg where’s Ale’s home coming party joor!

    • Lol!!!! Ini!! You’re right my dear… I should’ve started taking Ijaw classes last year. I’m so disappointed!!! It’s a terrible shame.

      And as for the Oga-at-the-top guy, his kids will be alright. That only happens to white folks… if it was my dad, I would be the one printing the T-shirts and selling them with his autographs. That way, no one can laugh at me. Or maybe I wouldn’t 🙁

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