Good morning people…
It’s been a long time right? Since my birthday last week Monday! I’ll tell you guys what I’ve been up to, but first of all, I’d like us to open our bibles to the book of Daniel 7: 7-8. Today, we’re going to talk about the anti-Christ.
Daniel 7: 7-8… After this I saw in the night visions, and behold a fourth beast, dreadful and terrible, and strong exceedingly; and it had great iron teeth: it devoured and brake in pieces, and stamped the residue with the feet of it: and it was diverse from all the beasts that were before it; and it had ten horns. I considered the horns, and, behold, there came up among them another little horn, before whom there were three of the first horns plucked up by the roots: and, behold, in this horn were eyes like the eyes of man, and a mouth speaking great things…
In February, I started having problems with my MTN line… I couldn’t make calls without having to first switch my phone off for a few minutes, then switch it back on again. No matter how much credits I had, I always got an error message saying that I “do not have sufficient credits to make this call”.
I called the idiots in Customer Service a million times and I was told that their company engineers (probably some unqualified, WAEC Cert. holding engineers) were working on the problem. I even visited their office twice and both times, I was told the same thing.
Eventually, one day I called and lost my cool when I was talking to a daughter of Jezebel in customer service. By “I lost my cool” I mean I raised my voice because I was tired of answering the same questions over and over again… Personally, I feel I deserve a pat on my back for not calling her a swine or a tramp or any of the other names that are always at the tip of my tongue. I hung up on her in frustration and after that call, my line was barred. I could only receive calls. I couldn’t even call customer service again…
Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I believe with all my heart that she barred my line intentionally.
Anyway, I finally abandoned my MTN line for about a month and used my other line. But I used to carry the phone around because that line is really my main line… it’s the number most people have, and it’s the number I put down for all job applications. Then one day out of the blue, when I had already settled in to a life of peace and phonelessness, I got a call from someone from MTN. I can’t remember her name… let’s just call her She-goat. So She-goat said she was calling because she noticed that my line hadn’t been in use for about a month. She wanted to know if there was a problem.
“Are you fucking kidding me???!!!” I asked.
I make countless complaints, you do nothing about it and then eventually bar my line. A month later you call to ask WHY my line is not being used? I couldn’t believe my ears… she apologized and promised to report the issue to their engineers. I told her that if they still had the same engineers, she shouldn’t bother reporting it. I didn’t hear from She-goat again.
No need to tell you guys that it was so much more expensive to communicate with people because most of my contacts use MTN. Finally, a friend of mine called his sister and asked her to do something about it (she’s with MTN customer service). She worked on it for a few days till I got a message asking me to switch my phone off, and then on again. I did that and voila! My line was good again. She unbarred it and I could make calls once again… life was back to normal.
Until last week. Now, it’s even worse than before… I do the switching off and on, make my call but after about a minute, I hear that stupid beep that warns you that you’re about to run out of credits. Imagine being in the middle of hot gist, you’re about to find out which one of your friends is banging the other and you run out of credits?!
I’m not even going to bother with customer service again… I don’t have the time or patience. And I’m not even angry anymore, but let us now go back to the scripture so that I can explain the revelation I got;
…and behold a fourth beast, dreadful and terrible… (MTN’s network is mostly dreadful and terrible)
…and it was diverse from all the beasts that were before it… (MTN’s color is a disgusting shade of yellow, unlike other normal telecom companies)
…and it had ten horns. I considered the horns, and, behold, there came up among them another little horn, before whom there were three of the first horns plucked up by the roots… (the horns refer to all existing and upcoming masts)
…and, behold, in this horn were eyes like the eyes of man, and a mouth speaking great things… (Saka speaks great things)
My dear people, these are the end times… and MTN is the anti-Christ.
Verily verily I say unto you, take heed of my warning and port… or just get a new line. That’s what I plan to do tomorrow.
Let us now bring out our offerings…