54 evils-per-second

I want to ask a question… When you guys watch a news report or read an article in a newspaper or a magazine, how do you react? I don’t mean how do you react in front of your fellowship members, or in front of your parents… I mean, what is your gut reaction?

At home, while waiting for my normal TV shows, I used to have to sit with my mum in the living room sometimes and watch the news with her. And because of the way I reacted to certain headlines and stories, she would turn to me and give me that Is-it-possible-there-was-a-switch-at-the-hospital-and-this-demon-spawn-is-not-my-child? look… either that or she waits till I’m asleep then creeps into my room in the middle of the night and shaves the back of my head in search of any numbers.

Now that I’m away from home, I have this friend who keeps saying I’m evil… so I’ve really started wondering.

I decided that we are going to carry out a fun little exercise this morning to test our inner evil. I’m going to give you a few scenarios and you are to pick an answer based on a scale of 1 to 10 of possible reactions. If your answer is:

1 – Your reaction is genuine sadness. You feel terrible and even take out time to pray for the victims/persons involved.

5 – You feel a bit sad for the person/victim and you think he/she should’ve known better. Still, you choose not to judge him/her.

8 – You think to yourself, “…and I thought was stupid.”

10 – You are ROFLYFAO!!!!

So, here we go…. I’ll be taking the test with you. Good luck!

1. You pick up a newspaper and see the headlines “50 YOUTHS FRIED LIKE BURNT PLANTAIN CHIPS AFTER AN EXPLOSION AT THE SITE OF PIPELINE VANDALISATION”. (My ans. 8)

2. You log into Yahoo and see an article, “Victim of Gang Rape Dies in Hospital After Battling Internal Injuries.” (My ans. 1)

3. Your friend is openly dating a married man, who spends ridiculous amounts of money on her and her three kids. She calls you late one night from a hospital and tells you that she was robbed and beaten to a pulp on her way back from their romantic getaway. She can’t see with her right eye. (My ans. 11)

4. You’re listening to your radio and there’s breaking news, “3 Dead and 56 others injured during Dame Patience’s speech.” (My ans. 9… they knew the dangers, why did they still go and listen to her speak?)

5. Your ex-boyfriend (the one who cheated on you with everyone except your mum and your sister) is now married. He overheard his 13 year old daughter on the phone telling her bible study teacher that she will “take his banana till she goes Yo!”. Now he’s confused because there are so many exotic fruits in the house and he doesn’t understand why she has to beg for bananas outside? (My ans. 12)

6. You had a dream that on his way to court, Yusuf (of the pension fund) had a stroke and suffered paralysis in every part of his body except his lips. He was able to move his lips enough to whisper his ATM pin after which he slipped into a coma and died. (My ans. 13)

Now, tally up your scores (obviously, the higher your score, the “eviler” you are)… I scored 54 out of 60. That’s 90% 🙁

Feel free to share your scores with the rest of us… no one here is going to judge you. If you are too ashamed of it, you can fake a score. No one is giving out any prizes either, so it really doesn’t matter.

After analyzing my results, I still don’t think I’m evil. I think I just react the way people WANT to react when no one is looking. Plus, I’m a big believer in that bitch called Karma.

Yes, nobody is perfect and nobody has a right to judge anyone else (least of all me), but aren’t you guys sick and tired of all the foolishness in the world today?

Let’s enjoy our week… 😉

13 thoughts on “54 evils-per-second

  1. My score was 68 (I’m in a particularly bad mood and the one about the ex really got me going! ). All I can say is Ngo; THANK YOU for being evil enuf to write this :)))

    • You’re welcome darling… sorry about your bad mood. Shake it off!
      But you tried o! 68% is not bad at all. I had many other ex scenarios but they would’ve recognized themselves or their situations so no need.
      Muah!!!

    • Yeah, no. 2 was terrible… even though it’s not a new thing in their country.
      I don’t even know which one is my favourite. I might take the test again, because I didn’t laugh enough at some of them. 😀

    • 32!! As in, TAAHTY-TOO??? Sweetheart, you are a good person.
      Maybe I should’ve added a scenario about Aaron the suicidal computer geek. That would’ve increased your score small!

    • Sweetie!!! Funny enough, I actually agree with you. I don’t think you’re evil… you’re too busy living life while you can, especially when you’re not working. You don’t wanna know who fried or who had a stroke. Abeg enjoy yasef jare! Leave the evil for people like me 😉

  2. I don’t know why anger is not among the options.
    When i hear a story of how people die foolishly (like the pipeline vandals), i get angry with myself for wasting precious seconds of my life, time that could have been well served watching snails copulate.
    Lemme just break it down
    1. Angry at myself
    2. maybe 3/4, can’t be praying for a dead person, what is done is done
    3. I’ll cut the call before she finishes her sob story
    4. laugh so hard i’ll choke, maybe die and probably go to hell
    5. can’t relate
    6. Angry at myself. There’s paint drying somewhere and i missed it.

    • Ok… I had to go back to the test questions…
      1. First of all, there’s nothing special about snails copulating. If you’ve watched mature/senior porn, it’s basically the same thing.
      2. As for the Indian girl, that’s the only way I don’t feel completely useless. But yeah, anger should’ve been part of that one.
      3. The girl with the sob story, I need to hear it. So that months later when she’s telling me how naive I am, and how I’m not sharp when it comes to guys, I can remember how her “sharpness” landed her in the hospital. The memory of her looking like Evander Hollyfield (spelling??) after a boxing match will put a smile on my face 😀
      4. Please say hi to my grandma when you get to hell.
      5. You don’t need to be able to relate… you should love me enough to hate him on my behalf!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😀
      6. Bhet… bhet… don’t you want to know the pin? 🙁

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