Category: Weird (real life) shit

Early this evening, I sent the security guy on an errand. I was standing by the gate, waiting for him and watching traffic go by when I heard someone yell my name from across the road. I looked in the direction I heard my name and by the time I realised who it was, it was too late to disappear into the bushes. We don’t even have bushes. I was careful not to smile. I waved a small, barely civil wave. A sensible person would’ve deciphered the wave to mean “Don’t let devul use you this afternoon. Just be going…

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I also thought of calling this post ‘How My Earphones Saved My Life’. For weeks, like a pregnant woman, I’d been craving food from a particular place. First time I went there, it was with a friend. It was unplanned and I wasn’t sure how much money he had so I ordered food like an anorexic bird. This time though, I was returning with a vengeance. The plan was to annihilate the menu. Google Maps estimated it to be a 58 minutes walk so on Saturday evening, I wore my trainers, stuck my earphones in my ears and set off…

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In January, a few weeks after my sister’s wedding, my aunt called to tell me she gave someone my number and the person was going to call me. I asked, “What is he calling me for?” She said, “Ehn… don’t worry. He will call you.” Me, I like aunty. I trust aunty. Christmas in Warri, we shared a bottle of wine and had a long ass conversation about a lot of things, centred mostly around faith, money, career. I figured whoever was going to call would either be a potential employer or, worst case scenario, a pastor. So when the guy…

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