Year: 2017

Silent victims of domestic violence…

, 13

On Wednesday, I was called to separate a fight between my neighbour and her house girl. Every time I tell the story, people are shocked. “How can house girl be fighting madame?”. I understand their surprise, but they don’t know this madame like I do. If I was her house girl, I would pee in her morning coffee. We are next door neighbours, our rooms share a wall, so I heard everything. It grew from madame yelling her daily morning yell, to an exchange of words, then raised voices then blows and finally, flying furniture. I heard it, but I stayed in…

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Anti-robbery squad

14

I also thought of calling this post ‘How My Earphones Saved My Life’. For weeks, like a pregnant woman, I’d been craving food from a particular place. First time I went there, it was with a friend. It was unplanned and I wasn’t sure how much money he had so I ordered food like an anorexic bird. This time though, I was returning with a vengeance. The plan was to annihilate the menu. Google Maps estimated it to be a 58 minutes walk so on Saturday evening, I wore my trainers, stuck my earphones in my ears and set off…

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Pounded yam poem

0

It’s me again. I wrote this months ago. I shared it on Twitter and just decided to share it here. It’s not a serious poem… ____________________________________________________________________________ You ever do the stupid love? The kind where you’re trying to out-love the other person? There are no limits to what you can do…  You read those pounding yam tweets and lol in your mind.  Ordinary pounding? Ees nuffin’. Your belly is filled with the knowing that you put that smile on his face. What is ordinary pounding? He said, “I wish I had XYZ”. The timing is perfect because you just got…

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My Adjei Experience…

2

I live a very boring life. I don’t think I’m a boring person o… I just can’t afford to live the jet-setting, champagne-popping life that I think I am destined to live. My life is so uneventful that whenever I open my Uber app, before I type in the destination, only two addresses pop up; my church address and a friend’s office. When there’s food at home, I can go days holed up in my room. Sometimes, to get fresh air and prove to my neighbours that I’m alive, I take an evening walk to one of the neighbourhood supermarkets…

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Happy Birthday Meeee!!!

, 35

It’s not even 12:00pm and this is already the bestest birthday ever! If you can’t reach me, I’m sorry… I ran away. The past two and a half months, I’ve been in Warri. One morning I woke up, looked at my last packet of noodles and said to myself, “Surely, even the lowliest servant in my father’s house has much more to eat than this?” We don’t have servants and I live in my mother’s house, but you get my drift. I conceded defeat, packed a tiny box and left Lagos back to Warri. Since I lost my job, I…

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