Happy Valentine’s!!!

So it’s Val’s Day again… and you knew I was going to say something right? It’s the same message I preach every Val’s Day.

If ex-bashing was a sport, I would have won many Olympic Gold medals by now. My family, my friends, my pastor, the lady who sells vegetables to me in the market, my pet cat, they all know every evil thing that every ex has ever done to me. I’m a walking Chronicle of all the horrible things that a guy can possibly do to a girl. It used to be so bad that I would bring it up even in the most unrelated situations. Talking to me used to be like this…

Person: Hey, did you hear about what happened on Wall Street today?

Me: Yeah, I heard… it was crazy! Speaking of streets, did I ever mention to you that my ex-ABC used to live on a street? Things between us were really good till blah blah blah…

Or

Person: I’ve got a terrible headache… I think I’m coming down with the flu.

Me: Speaking of things that cause pain, did I ever tell you about the time that my ex-XYZ did blah blah blah…?

Eventually, by the time the vegetable lady stopped selling stuff to me, I realized that I sounded like a broken record. I got tired of playing the victim and decided to just shut up! But, the truth is, we all have a story. We’ve all been victims in one way or another.  And to be honest with you, I’m sick of hearing people’s stories and I’m sure they are sick to death of hearing mine. I’ll tell you why…

Like I said, we all have stories. But I always wonder, if everyone has had his/her heart irreparably broken, then who are these unknown, invisible people doing the actual heart-breaking? Isn’t it the same people? They say things like, “There’s no such thing as true love” and “I don’t believe in love” because of past hurts they experienced. My theory is that it is all bullshit. It is just an excuse to treat people like crap and mess with people’s hearts.

Whose fault is it that when you were sixteen, while your mates were writing JAMB, you fell in love with the neighbourhood hooker? You expected her to leave her budding career in Hookistry to be the mother of your unborn kids and marry you so that you would live happily ever after, with mind-blowing sex all day every day. Sadly, she left you for your friend with deeper pockets and a head that isn’t shaped like a hammer like yours. So you decide to take out revenge on every living creature that has to take a piss sitting down. If it is female, it must pay for the sins of your hooker-ex because “women are all the same”.

It’s not our problem that your ex-boyfriend had a threesome with your room mates while you were out of town. It hurt you, but every other boy shouldn’t have to suffer for it. Just learn from it by never bragging to future roomies about how he’s “hung like horse” and move on. If any misfortune ever comes his way, you can do the honourable thing and laugh heartily over his pain. But don’t hurt someone else because of it.

Personally, I’m over Val’s Day. Last year, I posted a note on Facebook about how the Val’s Day spirit in me was killed. If you’ve got time, you can read it here http://www.facebook.com/notes/ngozi-orji/my-vals-day-tale/10150598035587988. Believe me when I say I am not bitter about it, not anymore. I don’t have a problem with Val’s Day and I certainly do not beef people who feel a need to celebrate it, especially young people. But as usual, people are going to get hurt today, and that’s the part I don’t like.

As for me, I’m home alone with my dildo and the bottle of wine that should’ve been for AFCON. I’ll be celebrating tomorrow cos going out today in the midst of all those couples will make me want to puke :p

Happy Valentine’s Day people… 😀