Happy New Year in February!!

Happy New year people!!!

Yeah, I decided to drop by and say hi. How are you guys doing?
Please forgive me! As usual, I have allowed too much time go by and now I don’t know where to start from with all the gist.

There have been two major life changes since the last time we spoke so I’ll start from there. The “majorest” one is that I lost my job.

*waits for applause to die down*

For some reason, I was really embarrassed about this and that’s why I didn’t tell you guys. It happened shortly after my last blog post. I wasn’t feeling bad about the job itself because Lord knows I was miserable there… so miserable that friends and former colleagues actually called me to congratulate me after I left. It was more the way it happened that I was very unhappy about.

When people ask what happened, I don’t know what to say. I heard so many strange rumours as to why… There had been an “incident” with my business manager on the morning of the sacking firing letting-go. During the incident, I broke the cardinal Nigerian labour law; Never, ever call your boos out on a lie, even if said lie is lied upon your head. So by the time HR sent for me at the end of the day, I had almost forgotten about the morning drama. It didn’t cross my mind that I was going to be fired. If anything, I thought I was going to get a letter of commendation for showing some self-restraint by not ramming my fist down her throat that morning. Instead, I was told blah blah blah redundant blah blah budget cuts blah…

And here I am today. To be honest, although I’ve been sending out applications and I know I need that steady salary baaaadly, I am not too excited about starting another nine-to-five where my entire career is totally dependent on one man’s menstrual cycle… where every waking moment is spent wondering if you’re going to be the next to be fired. On the other hand, I don’t think I have one single business bone in my body.

Then sometimes I get even more confused by some people around me, people that I know they genuinely mean well. So what happens is that I get all this advice on what they think I should do with my life next…

“Oh Ngozi, you’re such an excellent cook! Why don’t you start a food delivery business?”

“You know you’re good at organizing stuff! You can be an events planner!”

“OMG! You know you’re great with kids! Why don’t you, start a baby factory??!!”

                           Batman slap


Needless to say, I’m confused.

The second major thing is that I moved into a new place! 😀 My place is the cutest house in the whole wide world! It’s also probably the smallest. It was by an incredible stroke of luck that I found it after weeks and weeks of looking at crappy apartments. It’s a small room at the back of a block of about six flats and it’s set up like a hostel. At first, I was wary about having such close neighbours who could walk up to your door and knock, but in my new place, nobody really sends me.

My only furniture is my mattress which is still on the floor. I have a camp gas (that has cooked more packets of noodles than I care to admit), an electric kettle for coffee and an air conditioner. I bought the AC from the former tenant who was desperate to sell it. It was a dumb move on my part cos I took her word for it when she said it was in excellent working condition. I moved in and discovered that the AC blows like a plastic fan but sounds like a helicopter propeller.

And that wasn’t the only thing she lied about. In fact, the only thing she didn’t lie about was the house address because I moved in and for the first few weeks, I was neck deep in repairs… dealing with plumbers, carpenters, electricians, painters and AC repair men. I hope that wherever she is, she’s suffering from severe hot flashes… the kind that even an industrial AC can’t cure.

Still, I love life here. I’ve started jogging in the mornings again. With no job and lots of bills & loans to pay off, I am laying low. I’m usually indoors. When I do step out, I have to dodge one of the security guards who likes to tell me how hungry he is. From a distance, he sees me, throws his hands up in the air and begins to hail me…

“Aunty Ngoooor! My biggest aunty! I greet o!!”

Or the more irritating, “Seest! My biggest seest! The only sister I have in this place.”

Usually, I ignore him, but in my mind I’m like…

                           cyst boil

Dude still hasn’t figured out that he’s probably richer than I am.

That’s basically it. I hope you guys are having a wonderful 2016, no matter what the exchange rate is. I’ve gotta run. I’ll try and write more often… please forgive me.

Love ya!

9 thoughts on “Happy New Year in February!!

  1. Really had a good laugh after reading ur
    piece….not to worry,its ALL going to fall into place for you and hopefully ul get something worth ur while soonest….meanwhile, enjoy that Ac/fan cos dis heat na die…lol

    • Amen o! Thank you… And I don’t even bother with the plastic fan again… I just open the windows.
      My neighbour has called a guy to come and take a look at it, but I am tired of all these artisans.

  2. Wow. Just catching up on this after harassing u. Hilarious as always! Well done on moving to your own place. I pray You get direction on the next step soon.

    • Amen o!! Direction is exactly what I need.
      Lol!!! @ harassing me…
      And yes, my house is the best!! It’s one of the best things to ever happen to me 😀

  3. NG Baybay!! I havent checked in for a long ass minute. Even though the posts are not regular, your still as STUPID as ever, I’ve been laughing my ass off on all the posts. Like I’ve always said, whenever you figure out how to properly use this incredible gift you have, remember us who bigged u up when u get to the promised land. Do something people can pay for, u have a guaranteed buyer here(long as its fairly affordable, hehehe). Glad to see you’re still throwing the finger to life inspite of the circumstances darling, thats the best route in all the good books I’ve read…
    I still dey vex a tiny bit for you for standing me up that time I invited to some party(cant even remember whose), but in general, its all love. We should meet up and catch(not holding my breathe Ms Lay Low, yeah u suck) up.
    Big crushingly intense hug… be good.. – Busta

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