Hello beautiful people…

Hope you guys are doing great. Today has started off horribly and my group head has been yelling at me non-stop. My supervisor keeps rubbing my back and telling me “well done”. I can tell she’s afraid I’m going to flip and say something to our group head that we will all regret… but, the truth is, I’m fine. Yeah, I’m kinda irritated by all the yelling cos of the sprays of spittle that come with it (these are evil Ebola times ya know), but really I’m fine because I’m celebrating something today.

Today is my work birthday!!!

*waits for applause to die down*

Exactly one year ago today, I officially started work here. I wish I could say that it feels like yesterday, but it doesn’t… it feels like 7 and a half years ago. In that time, I have grown two strands of grey hair on my head and countless more strands on erm… other places. To be honest, it has been an incredibly tough year, especially the last few months.

Still, I am grateful to God that even with all the trouble (the ones I caused knowingly and unknowingly), I wasn’t sacked. I’m grateful for the friends I made in my former clients office. And, most of all, I’m proud of myself for not giving up when things were at their worst. Did I learn any new thing about myself? Probably not… there isn’t much I didn’t already know before I started work here.

There are,  however, a few lessons I learnt the hard way about work/office life;

  1. When you are on the phone with a colleague, always assume you are on speaker. That way, no matter how angry you are, you won’t call the company accountant a daft tuber of yam  ( ._.)
  2. Be publicly hard-working… focus on the jobs that will get you recognition. It is more important to appear to be doing work than to actually be working. Clutter your desk with files… put up sticky notes with meaningless HR quotes… loosen your tie and roll up your sleeves and no one will suspect you are on Jumia or LindaIkeji.
  3. Everyone is a suspect. Nevertheless, when your pastor commands you to pray for your enemies to fall and die, do not show up to work on Monday morning to start asking people, “Ahn ahn! Are you still here?”
  4. Document everything! If your colleague tells you about a change in plans, send a mail so that he/she can confirm it in writing. If your boss sneezes, send her a mail to say “Bless you”… if your colleague mistakenly sends you nudes, document it. Document! Document! Document!
  5. Wherever two or three Yoruba people are gathered and you are in their midst, don’t be naïve: the answer is yes, they are talking about you.

I think those are the most important ones… I’m still learning lesson No.4 though.

Meanwhile, I didn’t gist you guys about something good that happened at work last month. I was going to write about it but then I changed my mind cos I don’t want you guys to start liking my company. Anyway, last month, we had another appraisal and because of how terrible my last two appraisals were, I was not excited at all. In fact, I was scared. But this one was different. At the end of it, one of my ogas complained that I have a habit of scoring myself ridiculously low in some areas where she felt I did ok. She even sent me back twice to fill the appraisal form again. By the time we were done with the first and second levels, my performance (on paper) was waaaay better and I was no longer scoring lower than ManU. Add to that some commendations from a few team leads (who apparently think I am “hardworking”)and voila! I received a promotion… And it was a promotion that came with a 50% salary increase!  ( ._.) Yaay me!

Anyway, I gotta go. I started this post in the morning but I haven’t sat my ass down for five minutes straight since then. Now the day is over… *sigh*

Happy birthday Work-Ngozi!!!  And congrats on the promotion…

As for you guys, I wish you all an amazing new month!

Categories: Uncategorized

18 Comments

spacyzuma · September 1, 2014 at 5:40 pm

Wow!!
Tomorrow will make it exactly one year since I started my job too.

*big hug*

*big tight long sexual hug*

    admin · September 3, 2014 at 9:37 am

    Smh… When you said R18, I shoulda known. Hugging you tight and sezually right back! In fact, it’s more like a squeeze.
    And congrats to you too dear. Your job is better than mine sha… you get to travel a lot :'(

spacyzuma · September 1, 2014 at 5:44 pm

Congrats on the salary increase and good appraisal. Now you can buy me gadget for my birthday in October.

I want Samsung Galaxy Tab S 10.1

    admin · September 3, 2014 at 9:40 am

    No problem boo… I can afford the charger right now. By God’s grace, I should be able to get you the case by the end of the year.
    The actual phone itself will come eventually. Let’s remain hopeful ok? :-*

adaora · September 2, 2014 at 9:32 am

Congrats honey you deserve it and more! Am happy for you all that is left now is little NG and Obi . Wat r u waiting for? *scowl*

    admin · September 3, 2014 at 9:42 am

    Lol… my dear, it’s God o! He’s the one we need to hold responsible…

TheRealAdonye · September 2, 2014 at 11:36 am

You are killing it, Ngo..
“Happy birthday Work-Ngozi!!! And congrats on the promotion…”

    admin · September 3, 2014 at 9:44 am

    Lol… how we go do na?
    Thank you Adonye (^_^)

GA · September 2, 2014 at 11:43 am

Happy birthday work NGO!!.
*Document everything! If your colleague tells you about a change in plans, send a mail so that he/she can confirm it in writing. If your boss sneezes, send her a mail to say “Bless you”… if your colleague mistakenly sends you nudes, document it. Document! Document! Document
most important of them all.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Errm soooo.. .How we go wash the promotion???? (.____.)

    admin · September 3, 2014 at 9:46 am

    I’m still a victim of this one o… I never learn. Smh. Seems like a lotta work.
    God dey sha.
    Promotion has been kinda washed already. You have carried last…

Tunde · September 2, 2014 at 5:27 pm

Sistah, I take offence for no 5, that is so tribalistic ( which I could say racist 😀 ).

While I won’t want to slander any tribe, you know for certainty that the tribe from the East of Nigeria better fit into that role.

    admin · September 3, 2014 at 9:54 am

    Smh… and what’s the name of “the tribe from the East of Nigeria”? (-__-)

Rukky · September 5, 2014 at 7:08 am

Congratulobia Ngozi. Now you can start sendung me monthky allowance.

    admin · September 8, 2014 at 8:54 am

    Before Saturday, I would’ve said yes… but since you stood me up, NO!
    Why you do me like dis na? :'(

Obi-ten-Kenobi · September 18, 2014 at 11:01 am

Document EVERYTHING!! Record phone calls, Screenshot bbm/whatsapp chats, keep huge dosiers, they’re out to get u….

    admin · October 14, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    It’s hard jor… sometimes I do, but sometimes I forget…
    It’s the times I forget that I get into trouble. Smh…

Bunmi · October 20, 2014 at 6:22 pm

Congratulations dear

    admin · October 24, 2014 at 8:43 am

    Awww… thank you Bunmi! Even my folks are shocked that I’ve lasted this long.

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