My country people!!
Good morning. How are you guys doing?
For two nights in a row, I had nightmares… some Freddy Kruger type shit 🙁
The first night, I actually woke up in tears and fear did not allow me go back to sleep. I called my friend and told him about it and he kept assuring me that everything would be fine. It was 12:45am and my call had woken him up. I could tell he was tired, but he stayed on the phone for a while and even prayed with me. After that, I got my bible, brushed off the cobwebs and read a few Psalms.
I felt a lot better, but I still didn’t go back to sleep. Around 2:00am, my neighbours started fighting again and for once, I was grateful for the noise. Before then, everywhere was dark and quiet. All batteries – phone and laptops – had died and there was nothing to entertain myself with. Their fight was the usual “Baba Elijah you must kee me today!!”… “You go pack commot for here today”… “If you no commot, know say my name nor be Baba Elijah”. The rest was in Yoruba.
The whole time, I’m just lying down there thinking of poor Elijah. I’ve seen him a few times before. The kid is no older than two. Also, I was wondering what baba Elijah’s name was before they had Elijah.
There are four people who stay in that tiny room; baba Elijah, Mama Elijah, Mama Elijah’s sister (let’s call her Aunty Elijah) and Elijah himself. The owner of the house is dead so his industrious brother got a lotta plywood and boarded up the entire house, dividing it into tiny rooms which he rented out to all sorts of people. It seems like hundreds of people live there…
Anyway, the fight was nothing unusual, but you have to wonder; what the hell causes a fight in the middle of the night? Then last night’s dream wasn’t as bad as the first, but it was scary enough.
My annual leave started on Tuesday (YAAAY!!!). So far, it’s been ok. On Tuesday, I went to Lagos Island market. A friend gave me funny directions so I got lost almost as soon as I got there. And I hate to ask for directions. I’ve had countless bad experiences after asking Nigerians for directions and I vowed to never do so again. What I do now is, I check Google maps or I just sort myself out somehow. On Tuesday, it felt like I was going around in circles cos I kept going back to the same street. And it didn’t help that the sun was scorching.
I used to judge people’s direction-giving skills based on their appearance. I would see someone and because he looks well put together, nothing at all like a rapist or serial killer, I would ask him for directions. In the end, I get “lost-er” than I was to begin with. I don’t even know which is worse – the guy who has no idea where the fuck I’m heading, but because he doesn’t want to admit that, he tells me to “just keep walking straaaaaight”. He will even stretch his hand out for emphasis. And I, being a trusting mumu, will keep walking straaaaaight… walking… walking… walking… till I see a “WELCOME TO CHIBOK” sign.
Or is it the group of guys who jump at the chance to help who they think is a lady in distress? You mistakenly ask one for directions, and like five or six gather you. They inhale deeply, push their chests out and start asking stupid questions like “Which side of Balogun are you going? Is it the market side or the side where they sell things?”
Anyway, eventually, I found my way. The annoying thing is, the place I was going wasn’t too far from my perfume shop!! It was just from a different entrance…
Yesterday, I almost beat up a really short guy at GTBank. He was chewing gum like a ho’ and attending to me like I was irritating him. The nerve! I wanted to strangle him… then time-stamp his corpse so that the coroner will have no doubt about his time of death.
I think I have gotten too used to ATM machines and online platforms. ATMs show more warmth than a lot of these bank people. And the ATM lady’s voice is nice… even when you don’t have money, she doesn’t say it out loud. She just writes ‘Insufficient funds’ on her screen and gives you back your card.
That’s my leave so far- getting lost in Balogun and almost committing murder.
I am tired as hell, but I’ve got some errands to run so I gotta go.
Have a great weekend darlings!!