The Boogie Man…

My country people!!

Good morning. How are you guys doing?

For two nights in a row, I had nightmares… some Freddy Kruger type shit 🙁

The first night, I actually woke up in tears and fear did not allow me go back to sleep. I called my friend and told him about it and he kept assuring me that everything would be fine. It was 12:45am and my call had woken him up. I could tell he was tired, but he stayed on the phone for a while and even prayed with me. After that, I got my bible, brushed off the cobwebs and read a few Psalms.

I felt a lot better, but I still didn’t go back to sleep. Around 2:00am, my neighbours started fighting again and for once, I was grateful for the noise. Before then, everywhere was dark and quiet. All batteries – phone and laptops – had died and there was nothing to entertain myself with. Their fight was the usual “Baba Elijah you must kee me today!!”… “You go pack commot for here today”… “If you no commot, know say my name nor be Baba Elijah”. The rest was in Yoruba.

The whole time, I’m just lying down there thinking of poor Elijah. I’ve seen him a few times before. The kid is no older than two. Also, I was wondering what baba Elijah’s name was before they had Elijah.

There are four people who stay in that tiny room; baba Elijah, Mama Elijah, Mama Elijah’s sister (let’s call her Aunty Elijah) and Elijah himself. The owner of the house is dead so his industrious brother got a lotta plywood and boarded up the entire house, dividing it into tiny rooms which he rented out to all sorts of people. It seems like hundreds of people live there…

Anyway, the fight was nothing unusual, but you have to wonder; what the hell causes a fight in the middle of the night? Then last night’s dream wasn’t as bad as the first, but it was scary enough.

My annual leave started on Tuesday (YAAAY!!!). So far, it’s been ok. On Tuesday, I went to Lagos Island market. A friend gave me funny directions so I got lost almost as soon as I got there. And I hate to ask for directions. I’ve had countless bad experiences after asking Nigerians for directions and I vowed to never do so again. What I do now is, I check Google maps or I just sort myself out somehow. On Tuesday, it felt like I was going around in circles cos I kept going back to the same street. And it didn’t help that the sun was scorching.

I used to judge people’s direction-giving skills based on their appearance. I would see someone and because he looks well put together, nothing at all like a rapist or serial killer, I would ask him for directions. In the end, I get “lost-er” than I was to begin with. I don’t even know which is worse – the guy who has no idea where the fuck I’m heading, but because he doesn’t want to admit that, he tells me to “just keep walking straaaaaight”. He will even stretch his hand out for emphasis. And I, being a trusting mumu, will keep walking straaaaaight… walking… walking… walking… till I see a “WELCOME TO CHIBOK” sign.

Or is it the group of guys who jump at the chance to help who they think is a lady in distress? You mistakenly ask one for directions, and like five or six gather you. They inhale deeply, push their chests out and start asking stupid questions like “Which side of Balogun are you going? Is it the market side or the side where they sell things?”


Anyway, eventually, I found my way. The annoying thing is, the place I was going wasn’t too far from my perfume shop!! It was just from a different entrance…

Yesterday, I almost beat up a really short guy at GTBank. He was chewing gum like a ho’ and attending to me like I was irritating him. The nerve! I wanted to strangle him… then time-stamp his corpse so that the coroner will have no doubt about his time of death.

I think I have gotten too used to ATM machines and online platforms. ATMs show more warmth than a lot of these bank people. And the ATM lady’s voice is nice… even when you don’t have money, she doesn’t say it out loud. She just writes ‘Insufficient funds’ on her screen and gives you back your card.

That’s my leave so far- getting lost in Balogun and almost committing murder.

I am tired as hell, but I’ve got some errands to run so I gotta go.

Have a great weekend darlings!!

An article on Workplace Etiquette

Good morning beautiful people…

Yeah, it’s been a long while. Forgive me  ( ._.)  I guess time hasn’t permitted me to write much in this past one month. And it’s not because I haven’t had anything to say o. I’ve had lots to say.

I’ve been doing just fine… same old same old; work, sleep, eat, eat, eat again and church. Only thing is, I don’t know why, but I’ve been fighting with my friends a lot this period. Not serious fights like physical fights or shouting matches, but it’s enough to make me question my sanity. And the fights are usually as a result of my jealousy… I’m a very jealous person. I get irrationally jealous over my friends and it’s even worse with love interests or guys I like. And it’s silly because I know I’m not the only friend they have… but I feel weird when friends tell me about how much fun they had the time they went bungee jumping or sky diving or wine tasting with their other friends. I always feel so left out.

I listen, and I even enjoy the stories but in my mind, I’m sitting there thinking; I’m your friend aren’t I? I can bungee jump can’t I? I drink wine, drinkn’t I? So why didn’t I get to go???


Even as I write this, I realize how foolish I must sound… but luckily for us, the fear of sounding foolish has never stopped me right? 😉

It’s still early in the week and I’m already exhausted. I’m more mentally tired than physically tired. We had a training at work over the weekend- all day Saturday and most of Sunday. As painful as it was to have no weekend, the training wasn’t so bad. I had planned to show up late on both days, squeeze my face and look bored throughout the training. Depending on the facilitator, I was also going to chew gum loudly, like a part-time hooker, but, like I said, the training turned out to be ok. There was no need for my planned rebellion.

I even participated… I took part in group activities and answered questions and stuff 😀

Occasionally, my MD organizes these forums or strategy sessions where he or someone else stands in front of us and gives us a really loooong talk about HR Consulting tinz. And they don’t just talk out of their asses… these men (and a woman one time) actually know their shit. By the time they are done, you are either left feeling like you can take on the world, or you are left thinking about your failed life and in what direction it’s going…

Meanwhile, I picked up a Leave Request Form last week… it has been sitting on my desk because, even though I know I  need a break, even though I can feel myself going insane sometimes, the fact is that I have no idea what I’m going to do with 10 free days! Ideas anyone? Anything that doesn’t involve money?

Also, I have a presentation to give this morning. I have to talk to everyone in my department… almost 60 people! I’m nervous as hell partly because I’m not ready. Being the procrastinator that I am, I left everything till the last minute. Then I stayed up all night to work on my slides but somehow I ended up on random websites about weight-loss, relationships, food and sexual harassment in the workplace.

I’ve never spoken in front of my colleagues before because I’ve always managed to avoid it. I can stand before hundreds of candidates and talk to them. I do that almost every week and it doesn’t shake me, but this Knowledge Sharing Session in front of my colleagues is scary. And the topic is very uninteresting.

You see, after our appraisals in September, we were each given a topic to discuss. Management thinks we don’t know, but we kinda figured out that every employee was assigned a topic based on the area(s) where their line managers think they need improvement.

So, for example, the Lone Ranger who likes to work from dark corners and never shares information unless you force it out of him at gun point had to give a talk on Team Work and Team Building.

You get the drill right? That’s how it’s being done.

As for me, my topic is Workplace Etiquette ( ._.)

They said I swear too much and crack offensive and inappropriate jokes. Can you imagine?! What’s the point of a joke if it’s not offensive and inappropriate?? ( ._.)

And the annoying thing is, it’s not 100% true… it wasn’t even a suggested area for improvement during my appraisal. I have never walked up to my boss/group head and asked her, “Hey ma… what did the cock say to the farmer who was holding a hoe?” Those kinds of jokes are reserved for my peers only, but what would’ve been my topic (Going The Extra Mile) was already taken by someone else so the staff support girl picked this one cos she thought it would be fun. I’m not having any fun cos it’s a boring ass topic!!

I have to go now. I’m sorry this post is jaga jaga like this… Wish me luck. Maybe I’ll tell you about it when I’m done.

See you guys soon.