HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!

Wow…

I have never in my life felt like less of a woman!!

So I’m at work and there are seven other women in this really large office where we sit. Two are on leave so there are six of us left. Out of the six, three are married women and the other three are single. You guys won’t believe that I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS NOT RECEIVED A CAKE/BOUQUET OF ROSES/GIFT BASKET today!!! I had to run to the bathroom to feel up my tits… just to make sure I still had them, you know… to confirm that I am a woman.

After confirmation, I got back to my empty, gift-less desk with a sad heart and very hard nipples.

I don’t know how I feel about all this… I think I didn’t realize how personally people still take Valentine’s. And I’m wondering; am I that old? It’s been so long since I celebrated Val’s day or even thought about celebrating it. I can’t even remember what I was doing this time last year. Probably housework… I don’t know. But I know I was ok, I wasn’t feeling bad or feeling like I was missing out on something. Maybe because I was at home, not expecting or wanting anything…

Now I feel really awkward… people in this office will probably be wondering what is wrong with me. And if they are half as imaginative as I am, they will probably think I’m a lesbian or they will come up with another equally exotic reason. But even lesbians celebrate Val’s day so that’s no excuse. I’m thinking I should probably order roses or something and have them sent to my office. They’ll be plastic roses of course because I can’t afford the real thing… I’ll have to act shocked too. And when they ask who it’s from, I’ll say that I don’t know “which of them” sent it.

I hope you guys are enjoying your Valentine’s day though. I hope no one is sad, or lonely or hurt… and I hope all intentional side-chicks are suffering pain and neglect and boils… lots of boils.

As for me, I’m glad I survived the day. One of the ladies in my office got promoted so we’re celebrating it. She got caterers and drinks… and I stuffed my face with poundo yam. Then, later, she got a bouquet of fresh roses and two boxes of really really nice chocolates from a secret admirer (her second gift today). Imagine how excited I was when she gave me one of the chocolates 😀

Meanwhile, this morning, another friend of mine saw her boyfriend/fiancé with another babe wearing matching red T-shirts. As if that wasn’t bad enough, she told me that said boyfriend was supposed to be out of town on business… smh. I felt so sorry for her… she was inconsolable. The poor girl looked like she was about to fall apart :’(  and it’s shit like this that makes me hate Valentine’s day.

She kept asking what she should do. Should she confront him? Should she act like she doesn’t know? Should she report him to his family? In all this, there was no option to end it so I managed to keep my big mouth shut. I’m sure they’ll sort themselves out eventually… the guy might not even have to come up with an intelligent lie/explanation.

Speaking of pigs, I’ve been eating a lot these days. All the weight I lost just before Christmas, I have managed to pile it back on. I’ll probably start another diet next week… we’ll see how that works out. These days, I barely have time to do anything. I don’t even have time to exercise. Only thing I have time for is work and food and more food.

It’s 6:00pm and I’m ready to go home but I hear that the traffic situation outside is bloody so I’m sitting here trying to make time pass.

Maybe I should open my chocolate while I wait…

You lovers should enjoy the rest of your day 😉

Why disciplinary action should not be taken against me…

Good morning people!

It’s 2:00am Friday morning and I’m eating semo and afang (let he who is without sin cast the first stone). My thoughts are all over the place but I know I wanna talk, so let’s talk…

A lot has happened since our last meeting. First of all, my blog was a year old January 1st 😀 I got a mail from some blog stats thing where they showed me my site stats; it had my most visited/popular blog posts, my top commenters, the locations of my readers, how many of you send nudes to each other and it shows the people who laugh at my jokes etc For a new site, my blog did pretty well last year.

So it’s a happy belated birthday to HRC!!! Thank you guys for visiting my site and staying faithful even when I didn’t…

I hope your year started out much better than mine did. January came and went and unsurprisingly, my life still sucks… all the things my pastor promised me will happen “in dis month of Geh-new-aari” haven’t happened yet. I’m still broke, single and my enemies who were supposed to die by fire are still alive, walking around un-burnt.

Work has been terrible… I had my performance appraisal last month and I’m still recovering from that. The only person who scored lower than me in my department was our departmental mascot… and we don’t even have a departmental mascot. That’s how bad it was.

The first level appraisal was with my supervisor. My brother who has like a million years work experience told me to be prepared for it. He said I was going to have to defend myself and show evidence of any achievements or claims. I was pretty confident that my work would speak for itself so I walked into that office like a boss…

Needless to say, it didn’t go as planned. It was a train wreck from the minute I stepped through the door…

Imagine if your parents promised to get you a car when you turn 21. Then, a few weeks to your birthday, they call you into their room for a chat. They want you to convince to buy the car they promised you…

You’re excited because you can think of at least 3.2 million reasons why you should get that car. I mean, you’re not pregnant for a married man, you don’t do drugs (in front of them), you don’t drink (in front of them), there’s no sex tape of you on the internet (because it hasn’t leaked yet), you do your chores, you do well in school…

You’re so confident you can literally feel the car keys in your hands already.

But, to your surprise, your parents are not impressed. They are not impressed because all those things you listed, are things they already expected of you. Then they pick one, just one mistake you made when you were in Primary 5 and keep using it against you…

Your folks are like;

“Ok Ngor… I understand why you would think you deserve the car. However, we don’t think you showed maturity or responsibility when, in primary 5, you told your classmates that the principal’s initials (V.P.L) stood for Visible Panty Line… Or how about the time you went to visit your uncle Robert and came back smelling of pee?”

You try to argue with them a little but there’s no point because their minds are already made up… `you’re not getting that car. And that’s how I didn’t get confirmed. I’m still on the same level… still on the same disgusting salary scale. I can’t even afford a decent cocaine addiction  :'(

Now, I’m at a point where I’m not so sure that I give the adequate number of fucks anymore. After the appraisal, I kinda slacked off a bit and within a space of three weeks, I was given three query’s  (._.)

Now, I would never lie to you guys… I might omit certain facts and exaggerate sometimes, but I wouldn’t lie to you so I take full responsibility for the first query. A wise crack got me in trouble and I got hell for it.

The second one was not as serious as the first. My response to that one was so looooong… the idea was that my boss, while reading it, would fall asleep by the third paragraph. I wrote it like a descriptive essay and used really big words that I wasn’t one hundred percent sure I knew their meanings. If my plan worked, he should still be on page 3 of my response.

The third query, didn’t make sense… I haven’t even responded to it yet. I might not respond to it at all cos it was one of those scenarios where you’re told “Ngozi, I need the frozen blood of a saber tooth tiger preferably from the Flintstone era. I need it by 2:00pm at the latest. You can liaise with Barney Rubble for any information you need.”

I didn’t get the blood. I didn’t even try and that’s what got me the third query. And that’s the way my life has been. I have to start getting ready for work now… I’ll see you guys later.

Happy New Year people…